A Sort of Entailment
by Crowind
Summary: AU. Senju Hashirama left behind a village and a will forged in fire for everyone but his own blood. All Tsunade gets is a tree, and a child she never prays for but the heavens grant on one auspicious gambling night. It only takes five years and a thousand steps back to Konoha to determine whether it was a loan of fortune or bad luck. [Ch 1-3: The Cuckoo and Her Canine Comrades]
1. Chapter I: Hatchling

Disclaimer: I wouldn't want to own Naruto.

**Author's Long One-Time Notes:** This fic is an AU whose divergent point* is about six years prior to the series start proper. It's there in the summary, but just in case you're the kind of person who don't look at summaries**, that point is: Tsunade won Sakura on the gambling table, and a thousand little steps later was back in Konoha a little earlier than scheduled. Sakura is, therefore, not her canon self thanks to this different upbringing, though I do try not to veer too far off her canon personalities.

I try to keep things—backstories, personalities, but _not power levels or mechanics***_—that are not direct consequences of that divergence as canon as possible. If you stick around things will get explained, eventually.

Another point I'd like to clear up front is shipping. Or lack of it that is: the kids are twelve/thirteen; crushes are as far as I'd go while they're at that age. The adults are fair game—if it ever comes to that.

Other than that, enjoy!

*(Actually, the real divergence is that Uzumaki Mito didn't die immediately after transferring the Kyūbi to Kushina, but that's ambiguous enough in canon that I don't really think of it that way.)

**(in which case how did you decide to click on this one? This is a serious question, by the way.)

***(Reason being that I think Shippuden mechanics and powers got ridiculous really fast. I'm going to steal jacobk's rule: post-Shippuden stuff remains if they a) fit the story, b) makes sense, and c) play into Rule of Cool/Drama.)

* * *

**A Sort of Entailment**

**Chapter I: Hatchling**

_Shinobi are utilitarian opportunists, old veterans even more so, and between then and there they'd acquired a taste of vexing obfuscation. _

* * *

A string snapped somewhere deep within the darkness of sleep. How upsetting. She stared as it and the scroll it had been holding open rolled back into the depths of unconsciousness. It remained there until she had forgotten that she had dreamt at all. There was nothing else to it but to wake up.

Sakura opened her eyes to the pale yellow beams peeking through the blinds. She slipped out of bed and padded silently to throw them open and greeted the four stony faces that loomed over the whole village. She imagined that the citizens of Konoha, born and bred in a hidden village all their lives, would find the stares of eminences reassuring, watchful in death as they had been in life.

Within one year of her stay, they had stepped from being incredibly unsettling at a glance to being incredibly unsettling when she looked at them for too long. Sakura thought that an acceptable development, wondered if that would change after this day, or if she wanted it to.

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach at the reminder. Final exam, practical portion. Eight o'clock sharp. If you're not there when I call your name, you're automatically failed. Iruka-sensei had used the full volume of his voice in a vain struggle to have the message etched into everyone's (Uzumaki Naruto's) brain. It still rattled between her ears, drawing a small smile that quelled her nervousness only just.

It was six. By the time she was finished with her morning rituals—showered, dressing up, hair neatly tied—the long arm had moved, and the sunbeams had reached the end of her room. There was still time.

The not-quite-tree house was perfectly quiet and lifeless. She could not detect other chakra presences either. Hopefully they had just came back after she had fallen asleep and left again at the crack of dawn. Sakura allowed herself a wry smile. Her two adult role models could be such hypocrites when it came to living healthily.

A faint smell of freshly cooked rice combined with soy sauce and egg wafted into her nose as she stepped into the dining room slash kitchen. The bowl that Shizune had set aside was not as warm as she would have preferred, but Sakura sent her a grateful thought all the same. Shizune had even washed the utensils before leaving. Sakura would have to see about getting both of them decent take-outs that were on time.

It was seven when she finished her breakfast and washed the dishes. Sakura fidgeted, watching as the clock ticked steadily. Her usual route to the Academy by roofs took only about fifteen minutes. She could take the streets, or make ridiculous backtracking circuits. It might even do her nerves some good as well as getting her a little warmed up.

She slowly let air exit her lungs. It might be nothing, going by the way the written part of the final exam turned out to be much easier than the monster she had studied for. It was also possible that Konoha valued physical strength much more than intelligence. The ways of hidden villages nagged at her understanding for days or months at end, sometimes.

It was ten past seven, and the sun was fully out of the horizon. Sakura locked the door and started on the scenic path to the Academy.

* * *

"Great. That will do." Iruka-sensei scribbled as Sakura dispelled her two clones, the minimal requirements to pass. "Congratulations, Haruno Sakura—" He did a double take, frowning at the sheet of paper in his hand.

Mizuki-sensei smiled wryly. "Yes, I only noticed after I'd called her name, too. I've heard of how…fast the administrative office updates their records, but months and months late is ridiculous. Now, _Haruno _Sakura has passed the exam, but _Senju _Sakura hasn't—and let's be honest, _bunshin no jutsu _is so far below your level that—" He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I know, show me one C-ranked _jutsu_."

Leaving aside the fact that she didn't know any C-ranked _jutsu_, the last thing she wanted was standing out even more than she did. She was saved from replying by Iruka-sensei, who seemed to notice the way she blanched at the suggestion. "Mizuki, be serious."

He reached for the small pile of forehead protectors, grabbed a red one, and offered it to Sakura with a beam. "At any rate, congratulations, Sakura-kun. You are now officially a genin of Konoha."

Sakura took the headband, bowing to her teachers and thanking them sincerely. Mizuki-sensei snorted. "Go ahead; put it on now."

The fabric holding the metal plate was silk soft on her forehead, but sturdy when she pulled it, and she suspected it would prove to be water-repellant as well. It went more than twice around her head—in hope that the children awarded these would grow big enough to need the length, or the simple economy of producing one-size-fit-alls, but either way she would have to cut it when she got home. For now she made a tight knot and wound the rest around it.

Iruka-sensei nodded. "You're free to go now. Make sure to be here at the same time tomorrow for your team assignments."

Sakura saluted the way she had seen a few shinobi do, earning another snort from Mizuki-sensei.

* * *

Sakura stepped into the hospital and made a beeline for the receptionist. "Good afternoon, Momo-san. Is Shizune-sama in?"

Momo looked up, her scowl quickly transforming into something more neutral. "Oh, Sakura-chan. Aren't we chipper today." Sakura smiled a little more self-consciously. Her hand spasmed, itching to check her forehead for reassurance. "Shizune-sama is in—ah, the morgue, I believe. And congratulations. That headband looks good on you."

Momo's smile shuttered as she immediately went back to glaring at the guestbook. Sakura thanked her, skipping away. Her gait had less spring to it as she wound the halls and stairways towards one of the cooler wards in the hospital. She had been there only twice before, never liking either instance, but today wasn't supposed to be one of those. She could wait in Shizune's office, not too out of the way, but Shizune had never minded Sakura shadowing her—preferred it, even, to arranging special training sessions.

Mind made up, Sakura traversed down the most well-lit and least populated corridor in the building. She was starting to question her decision when, after putting on the smallest sterile scrubs and gloves available and knocking the door, she didn't find Shizune alone with the cadaver.

"Ah, perfect. Sakura, come here," Tsunade said.

Sakura walked up to Tsunade's other side not occupied by Shizune, ignoring the stares from the scowling bear of a man in heavy armor beside the table and a young medicnin at the foot of the table. The three yellow fireflies embossed on the bear-man's armor was much harder to put away from her mind. "Yes, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade gestured at the body on the table. Most of him was exposed, the extreme being his open thoracic cavity. Sakura briefly wondered why they bothered putting a small towel over his nether region at all, not that she wanted to see more than she'd had to. "I want you to examine and predict how this man died."

Sakura glanced at Shizune for hints as the bear-man blustered. "A little girl? How dare you insult my lord in this manner!"

Shizune, eyes alert and narrowed on the samurai, tilted her head a few millimeters to the right. To her left, Tsunade's shoulders were squared. Sakura swallowed, keeping her eyes down out of more than sheer politeness. She eyed the samurai's katana and the hand resting on its hilt and started thinking of how much time it would take for him to draw it out.

_Iruka-sensei had nothing on this._ What was it that Tsunade had said? In real life, tests took you from the back and screwed you still unless you kicked it so far into the ground it came out the other side… or something to that effect. Forget knowing how to use _bunshin no jutsu _on demand, this was the true test for her worthiness to receive her new forehead protector_._

As though summoned by her thoughts, Tsunade's hand fell on her shoulder and gave it a very short squeeze before withdrawing to join her other one, crossed just below her breasts. Tsunade said, "Sakura has been my apprentice for many years, and her judgement in this is as my own."

Sakura didn't know whether to faint at this—coming from Tsunade—high praise, hold her chin high with the boost of confidence, or flail around under all the expectation. She even thought of apologizing for her master's exaggeration, but neither of the strange men raised objections.

Sakura pulled her gloves until her nails were close to tearing them, leaning closer to the table.

_No pressure, yeah?_

Sakura directed a little of her chakra to circulate under her fingers until the stiffness introduced by the morgue's artificially chilled air disappeared. She lightly touched the decedent's eyelids, then the neck, and then the jaw. A little stiff from rigor mortis, meaning that he had died less than six hours ago, but she doubted that was information they would have appreciated. So she noted the stickiness of his palms—evaporated sweat, from heart palpitations?—the dilated pupils. She stared at the exposed heart and the incision the other medic had started probably longer than necessary in trying to figure out why hadn't simply used his chakra.

A surface sweep for tissue consistency revealed the scars on the heart muscle and extra lumps that could have been fat. She didn't go further than that; startled by a sudden unpleasant feeling when she tried to reach beyond the surface, Sakura dropped her technique, its green glow fizzling out in full view of all present.

"Well, girl?" The bear-man boomed.

Sakura straightened slowly, mind revolving her findings in a frantic rush. She needed more, more information, more time, more peace and quiet away from impatient eyes.

She bowed to the samurai, low and respectful. "I may have an answer for you, samurai-dono, though it will be much more refined if you would share the circumstances in which you found him."

He snorted, thick, armored arms crossing together in a cacophony of metal plates and leathers sliding against each other. "I make no habits of repeating myself, but if you must know, little girl, this fellow servant of my lord, the honorable Komain Seiryū of Kei, departed from this world while passing the night in your village's hospitality." He stressed the last word such that there was no way for her to miss what he thought of it, nor the potential problem brewing.

"Sakura," Tsunade said in an uncharacteristic quiet voice that nonetheless carried through the entire room, "you must have seen what caused the death of this unfortunate man."

Report what she had seen. Yes, she could do that. Sakura stood tall, saying in her best diagnosis voice, "The deceased, may his soul finds peace, showed signs of dying from cardiac arrest that is not completely unprecedented, given his… prosperous appearance."

Tsunade snorted, and some of the tension drained out of Sakura. "There you have it. Cardiac arrest by natural cause, as examined and pronounced by the Head Medic-Nin of Konohagakure no Sato."

"I grow weary of your games, shinobi," the samurai groused, "when I know very well that treachery is in your bones and it is venom that flows in your veins. Do you think that you can pull the wool over my eyes, pretend that there is no trickery—surely a mere child's play for the great shinobi of Konoha in their very home."

He must have thought himself suitably intimidating and clever, though Tsunade looked anything but impressed. Her high-heeled sandal tapped the floor once and Sakura entertained the fantasy of Tsunade felling the man, a hundred kilograms of muscles and armor or not, with the slightest tap of her little finger. However, Tsunade was also the one who had taught Sakura (who was _getting there_) the art of picking battles, and in this case she chose words.

"That may very well be the case, if Konoha ever saw a reason to do it. We are, and always have been, loyal servants of the daimyo of this land and by extension his branch families and retainers. In any case." Tsunade uncrossed her arms, and if Sakura hadn't been watching she would have missed the flick of her eyes over to Shizune and Shizune's minutely tilted head in return. "This is hardly a comfortable place for talk of any kind. May I suggest my office, or should that prove unsatisfactory, the Hokage's office?"

It was anything but a politely worded suggestion as she had already started towards the exit, sandals clicking on linoleum. Bear-man looked stunned and a growl already made it half-way out of his throat, but in the end he huffed and followed on her heels. The other medic-nin too excused himself—Sakura was a little worried that he would pass out as soon as he was in the hallway. Her worry was short-lived as he threw a very peculiar look over his shoulder just before the door closed behind him. Other medic-nin working in the hospital, none of whom were within eight years of her age, gave her weird looks sometimes when she trailed after Tsunade or Shizune, but his left her feeling like she had actually done something wrong.

On the whole, though, that just made him an average Konoha shinobi. Sakura pushed him out of mind and turned to her supervisor for the hour. "So what was all that about, Shizu-nee?"

Shizune slowly shook her head. "I've only seen and heard as much as you have." She eyed the corpse. "But I suppose we can find out more. Why don't you grab that bottle of saline buffer over there."

Sakura did so, recognizing it as the buffer closest in replicating human blood conditions without being precious blood plasma and therefore was especially useful for, among other things, poison extraction. She stilled with the plastic bottle still in hand. "You think that the bear—I mean that samurai was right? That our decedent was poisoned?"

The reply was carefully even. "I think that it doesn't hurt for a shinobi to be thorough, not to mention for you to practice hand seal-less techniques. Just go over the seals slowly and feel for what each of them does to your chakra, and then tell me how a medic, who for one reason or another will not use hand seals, can produce the same results. Take your time. Do you still remember the full sequence?"

Sakura nodded. It took her five whole repetitions before she thought she had a reasonable scheme. She had a newfound respect for whoever invented the technique in the first place—not a single movement was without purpose. "The first three seals are just for molding the solvent on my hand, the next five direct the solvent to the target tissue, and the next ten pinpoint the toxic molecules and pull them into the solvent. The last ones were for withdrawing the solution without interacting with any of the patient's cells on the way out."

"Yes, that's correct. Now, even a person who has been bereft of his soul still has the physical aspect of his chakra coils intact. It might be disconcerting at first, but you can still use it to guide you to our culprit just like you would in a living patient." A ghost of smile graced Shizune's face. "Can you do all that?"

Sakura stared, a thousand thoughts vying for her attention, though eventually they all converged to _but what if I screw up?_ "I think? Are you sure…" Unsure of what she was really looking for, Sakura let her sentence peter out.

Shizune seemed to know what she was thinking of anyway. "The—I mean this as respectfully as possible—nice thing about practicing extraction on a dead body is that you don't have to worry about endangering the patient. And…I can safely say that neither Komain-dono nor his retainers will bother us over this man again." Then, in a lighter tone she added, "That said, I hope you're not thinking of coasting?"

Sakura, knowing better than to tease that metaphorical tiger, answered, "Of course not!" She paused to consider which step to start with, then decided that she would prefer knowing what and where to extract before having to juggle that in one hand and the solvent in the other. Tsunade had made her practice water manipulation over and over until she could cover herself with water without spilling or getting wet while dodging thrown rocks. Manipulating only a meager volume while standing still should be much less difficult.

Her hand hovered over his heart as it had before, except that her chakra probed deeper than the heart's surface and into the invisible lines and points that was the heart's share in the chakra coil system. When she made contact, it felt a lot like wading into an ice-cold swamp of dead fish head first in the longest day of summer while the sun was at its zenith. It was oddly more invasive than probing living people, who at least thrummed in and out of synchrony and even gave feedback. This emptiness was just…wrong, but surprisingly helpful as her senses quickly latched to the things that, like her, didn't originate from this body, concentrated within—not the heart muscles itself as she had thought—but the nerve cells knitted around the heart.

Holding onto that feeling, Sakura drew enough buffer to coat her entire off-hand like an opaque, wobbly mitten. She brought it over her probing hand, letting the solvent permeate through the cardiac nerves, surrounding the toxin, and with the help of chakra and sheer overwhelming volume made it dissolve into the solvent.

And now, the hardest part. Sakura recalled the last seven seals, and as she formed them in the confines of her imagination her chakra responded. In one chakra and physical motion, the solution was safely out in open air. As she raised the aqueous sphere to the light for inspection, she noticed that it was a lot cloudier than the stock solution still in the bottle.

She stored it in a vial that Shizune had found, and after making sure it was stoppered and sealed tightly, Sakura finally let herself sigh and slouch just a little. She handed the vial back to Shizune and watched as she turned it over and over in the light, tapping it gently with glove-covered fingernail and watched as the solution remained opaque. A part of Sakura doubted that they would find anything of interest, or even if they did the sample would be pure enough to study.

Shizune caught her eyes and said, "Aw, don't be disappointed. This isn't the cleanest extract I've ever seen, but it's your first time attempting a technique this complicated completely seal-less. Besides, the lab rats actually prefer crude samples. I suspect they don't trust us surface medics to know our bilirubin from blood." Shizune snorted. Sakura chose the better of valor and didn't mention that Shizune was the one who had trained, and imprinted on, those so-called lab rats herself.

Then she sobered as it occurred to her that the existence of the sample in Shizune's hand proved that the bear-man had been right. A lord's retainer had been poisoned under the nose of every shinobi in the village including the Hokage himself. Setting aside the question of what kind of person could be that audacious, she wondered dully what would happen if the lord even so much as suspected foul play on Konoha's part. Although she didn't really know how much power the daimyo's branch house actually hold in the grand scheme of things, it didn't take much to imagine that the consequences would be unpleasant.

_And this is what Tsunade-shishō __dragged me into. Just drop a twelve year old into a maze and expect her to race the other rat to the exit, no hints of hidden bomb neccessary. _That was only one facet of the problem, though. The bear-samurai certainly seemed to be barely pacified by Tsunade's assurance that the victim had died of natural cause. A lie that worked to their advantage, born out of Sakura's spotty work.

Something churned within her, and before she could stop herself she let the bile spill into her words. "Shizu-nee, what would have happened if I hadn't come in when I did? Or if I had noticed the poison, or decided I wanted to extract the poison then and there?"

Shizune's brows creased slightly. She finally set the vial aside and looked at Sakura, slightly bemused. "What did you mean, you didn't notice,"—seeing the change in Sakura's mood, Shizune paused in mid-sentence and her expression became unreadable—"well, that's not important; it would work out fine either way. But putting the what-ifs aside, a shinobi of a hidden village—especially a genin,"—she glanced pointedly at Sakura's newest accessory—"cannot expect to always understand the purpose and rationale behind an order. I wouldn't say that you can't at least try to talk about it, but sometimes the best you can do is trust that your superior has a very good reason…and you know that Tsunade-sama has your best interest at heart."

Sakura hung her head even as a part of her still doubted Shizune. She mumbled, "Yeah, okay. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Sorry."

"I can't say I didn't understand," Shizune said, and when Sakura risked a glance, she looked a little rueful. "The situation might look very weighty and confusing, but don't worry about it too much; Tsunade-sama will have this sorted out by the end of the day. We, on the other hand, need to get out of here."

Shizune climbed to her feet and crossed the room. She threw the door open with relish, holding it open with one foot while tearing off her gloves and tossing them mercilessly at the biohazard bin next to the door. "I _hate_ forensics."

Sakura couldn't agree more. Getting out of her scrubs alone seemed to have made the dour walls of the basement a little livelier. Shizune's smile being the first genuine one she had seen all day might have helped in that regard.

"I'll let you know the results once the lab rats get back to me, but congratulations on passing the graduation exam."

Sakura had resolved not to be too easily pleased by passing the almost insultingly simple practical portion of the exam, but hearing those words from Shizune threatened to break her reserve. "Thanks! It wasn't a very hard exam; we just had to produce three passable _bunshin_." Her lips twisted. _And some people still managed to fail._

Shizune shot her a look. "True, but I know that you've worked very hard—and fretted about just as much—at the theoretical part."

"I didn't _fret_! Okay, not that much." Shizune grinned wryly, and Sakura couldn't help but do the same since it was true. The written test had turned out to be not worth all the effort she had put in.

Shizune said, "If they haven't changed the way things work too much, you should be getting your team assignment tomorrow."

Sakura nodded. "Iruka-sensei didn't tell us a whole lot. Should I be worried?"

"Would you stop if I told you not to?" Sakura pouted, which managed to steal a laughter out of Shizune. "Seriously, Sakura, it won't be that bad. You will be paired with two other students who complement your strengths and weaknesses, and a jōnin-sensei to train all three of you. Your teammates can be a pain in the ass, or the best thing that could happen to you." Shizune's voice took a sharp dive into wistfulness. "You never really forget your first team, you know."

Sakura was wondering whether she should pull Shizune out of whatever lane of memory she had tripped into when Shizune shook herself out of it. She looked at her watch and clucked her tongue. "Well, there goes my free time. Why don't you go celebrate your last day of being duty-free children with you friends?"

"I don't have friends."

Shizune sighed. "You don't have to say it with such a straight face."

* * *

The enemy was somewhere within this training ground, hiding between the leaves. He was likely still where she had last seen him, puttering around with either of the other two genin on her team.

His _presence _was at the same time nearby, flickering here and there so that she couldn't pinpoint where exactly he was at any given second. That he was herding her to a location of his choosing was not a question; that she couldn't decide whether she was running away or toward him was a troublesome one.

Then the chakra signature that could have been Hatake Kakashi vanished entirely. Sakura halted, her kunai instantly in hand and eyes and ears opened wide. Leaves rustled down from the branches and up from the forest floor; they met in the middle, swirling around her. Her eyes caught one particularly interesting leaf, waving in air like a green hand, riding on a slow current that kept rising and rising until it was out of her sight.

She stared at the sky—what was she doing here in the first place? She was looking for something; was it the leaf? It was gone now, out of her sight. _No, that's not it. Not _what_. Who._

Something rough and knobby in places was pressed to her back. Sakura blinked, turning her head slowly only to froze when a bare branch nearly grazed her cheek. Slowly twisting her body out of the tree's almost embrace, Sakura backed away one step at a time. Her eyes were pinned to the tree: to the dark crust that could very well be old blood stains, to the fissures that grew, weeping fresh blood that filled the air with an iron tang, until the bark seemed to split and grew a face.

For what seemed like an eternity, Sakura was rooted where she stood. So close to the tree that was becoming less and less of a tree and more like a man. His lips parted, revealing a set of carnivore teeth, and she finally recognized him as the man, the human vampire tree who had appeared in her most unforgettable nightmares.

Like in those nightmares, he uprooted one foot and placed it before the other, a gnarly hand stretched towards her. His parted lips widened until his jaw hung loose, and out of the abyss that was his mouth came a voice like broken branches in summer calling out her name.

Like in those nightmares, she ran with abandon for unimportant details like her direction, willing her feet to carry her as far away from the monster as possible. She had to get out of this forest and its endless identical trees; it could be hiding as any of them, waiting for just the right moment to pounce her. She wished that the annoying, screechy sound would stop, too, but it seemed to be following her everywhere.

_It sounds like me, too._

She nearly tripped over her own foot halting. Of course it was following her everywhere—her throat was still firmly supporting the head that her ears were attached to, wasn't it? The scream suddenly stopped, turning halfway into a sobbing laughter. She swayed on her feet as a sudden lightheadedness seized her—no, she corrected to herself, it was only the genjutsu leaving her.

Genjutsu, her instincts had identified and alerted only when it no longer mattered. Hatake Kakashi had led her into a trap and, finding her not even worthy of a direct confrontation, left her to drown in her own tears.

Logically she knew that a jōnin could still be following her while menacing the other two genin, but the fear of being discovered was currently the only thing stopping her from kicking down a tree in frustration.

Sakura wiped furiously at her treacherous eyes. That only served to feed the tears, and after a while Sakura snarled and forced herself to confront the real problems: Copy-Nin Kakashi, also known as Sharingan Kakashi, did not need even one of his thousand jutsu, let alone the eye that earned him his epithets, to fend off a genin—genius or deadlast—while at the same time his clone chased her around on a merry game of tag. Or maybe the other way around: the clone toying with the boys and the real one sprang the genjutsu on her.

Whatever the case, it confirmed her suspicion that their supposed jōnin-sensei was a lazy man who didn't want to deal with teaching and who was definitely not above setting up impossible tests just to avoid that responsibility.

You are seriously expecting real life to be fair? Missions always peachy and within your comfort zone? The part of her that sounded like Tsunade tittered.

"I get that," Sakura mumbled to herself. Letting her thoughts verbalize helped immensely, and in the middle of a forest she didn't care who could be listening. "But…" But so many things didn't make sense. Like putting people in a team of three and then pitting them against each other, or expecting one fresh graduate to be able to be anything more than a fly to the jōnin's horse.

Eyes finally dry, Sakura wiped her face with the sleeves of her yukata.

One, and one, and one. The idea seemed ludicrous at first, but then Hatake shouldn't have pissed her off so much that she would consider anything just to prove that she could beat him at his stupid game. As long as they were playing the real life card, who cared how many genin it took to take two bells from a jōnin's hand?

* * *

She found Naruto when she had last seen him, dangling upside down from—not the exact same trap since there was a broken piece of rope lying directly beneath him, but it still didn't speak well of his competence.

"Sakura-chan! Are you alright?"

She winced, considered scolding him for alerting Hatake to her position, then gave it up. She would bet ryo for sand that his clone was still hanging around nearby. "I'll live," she told Naruto, coming into the clearing ever so slowly. Hatake had walked over the clearing before and reached Naruto without setting off anything, but the last thing she wanted was to be caught unaware in front of the other genin.

She looked up to see him staring at her. "What?"

He put his hand out. "Nothing! Just, eh, that dusterhead didn't hurt you, did he? Because if he did I'll—"

"He didn't hurt me," Sakura snapped, "and even if he did, it's none of your business."

At his confused and hurt look her mouth twitched, ready to apologize. Sakura turned her eyes to the length stopping him from being upright like a normal person. She was starting to doubt her decision to seek him out. Back at the Academy, Naruto would skip classes and blow off his homework despite already failing his graduation exam twice. He spent most of his days being a nuisance to everyone in the village while at the same time shouting that he would be their future Hokage. And no matter what she did, short of decking him into the Hokage monument, he just seemed physically incapable of leaving her alone.

Yet at the same time, he was also one of the only two students at the Academy to pay her more than a passing interest, and the only one who didn't regard her with hostility, suspicion, polite indifference, or some uncanny combination of all three. It also helped that he had somehow mastered kage bunshin no jutsu, his ineffectual use of the kinjutsu aside.

Her eyes returned to Naruto, who, for once, had understood when someone didn't want to talk to him and occupied himself with the task of escaping the trap. So far he had managed to get a kunai out of his pouch without hurting himself and was making funny noises as he tried to fold on his abs long enough to get a clear cut.

"Hey, Naruto-san," she said, "how many clones can you make at a time? How many more can you produce at this point?"

Naruto paused, falling back down as he used the hand holding the kunai to rub his chin. "Uh, dunno. Maybe ten? And fifty more? I dunno, Sakura-chan, never really counted."

Sakura couldn't stop staring at the kunai, its sharp edge mere millimeters away from breaking into his carotid vein. _Didn't anyone teach you about the proper handling of a weapon?_ Sakura's inner voice despaired, and she with great effort kept it there.

"Yeah, uh, that's great," Sakura said with relief as Naruto finally pointed the kunai elsewhere. "Listen, I'll help you down, but can you promise me that you'd listen to what I have to say?"

People hanging upside down shouldn't grin that wide, Sakura mused.

"Of course I can! I don't go back on my—gyah!"

At the last minute Naruto managed to turn his fall into a crouch. Sakura stowed her kunai and jumped off the tree, landing next to him with ease of practice. "Are you okay, nothing broken or bruised or anything? Good. so I was thinking that since each of us going against Hatake-san one by one didn't seem to work we should try surprising him by, say, attacking him together."

"But, Sakura-chan, he said—"

"There are two bells," Sakura said firmly, and Naruto closed his mouth. "And he didn't say to specifically challenge him individually—nothing about working together, so I say we should do that." She looked at him in the eyes, wanting to impress on him her seriousness. Naruto seemed to tense for some reason, but Sakura ignored that as she pushed on. "All things considered, my skills are somewhat more suited to support roles, and from what I've seen you're an all-attack type. Together we might actually stand a chance. Well, what do you think? Will you help me?"

Even before she was finished Naruto was nodding his head so fast that she thought it might snap from sheer inertia. Just watching him made her tired all of a sudden. "You bet I'll help you! Just tell me what to do, Sakura-chan, and I'll get the bell for you too. And then we'll both stay on the team and good riddance to that bastard!"

_This is too easy…but then again, this is Naruto_. She had never thought that a Naruto who actually listened and agreed with her could make her feel even more uncomfortable; Sakura pushed that thought aside for a more appropriate time as Naruto was still expecting an answer. "Yeah, about that…Can you send some clones to search for Uchiha-san?"

Naruto's gape was almost comical. "What? But—we don't need that duckbutt-head!"

Sakura shrugged, trying to make it as casual as though he had just asked her what to have for dinner. "Even if we don't, it would still be good to keep a track for him just so that we don't trip all over each other. While that's going on, can you also do something else?"

* * *

Despite her noncommittal answer to Naruto, by the time he had left her alone Sakura had come to the conclusion that they did need Uchiha Sasuke after all. Naruto's earlier performance against Hatake didn't exactly fill her with confidence, and if nothing else more meat shields between her and Hatake could not be a bad thing.

Which was why she was exerting all her self-control in not laughing at the only part of him currently visible. Naruto was right; from a certain angle his head did look like a duck—an angry, black duck who had a very cute scowl. _Props to Hatake, he at least knew to display the best part._

Sakura blinked, her humor vanishing as she didn't want to know where that thought had come from. Or what it meant. Not with Uchiha grousing at her and her needing him to at least cooperate. She looked at the air between his shoulder and ear, keeping him in her peripheral vision while at the same time not quite subjecting her eyes to his—

If she bit her tongue any harder she would draw blood.

"Well? What do you want?"

"Hello to you too, Uchiha-san." Ah, there, now they were in familiar territory. She supposed part of it was her fault, since she had given him concussion on her very first day in the Academy. The next week, however, he had nearly burned her alive during their no-holds-barred rematch. Not satisfied with that, he finally defeated her soundly for the first and last time in a taijutsu-only spar (during a class, as they had been on a strict no unsupervised sparring ban after the fire incident). She had thought that, his supremacy reassured, he would move on to ignoring her like he did everyone else; she certainly did, being too occupied with catching up on five years' worth of Academy material and adjusting to life in a hidden village.

Crouching down so that they could at least be on a more equal level, she said, "I suppose not even the best rookie of the year could win against a jōnin."

He scoffed. "I touched the bells. I can take it the next time for sure."

Sakura blinked. "Oh. Huh, I guess I did underestimate you a bit. You're the strongest one of us, Uchiha-san, but even then Hatake still had you beat while holding back on us. I doubt he'd let you have that advantage again."

"Get to the point."

She raised an eyebrow, but, thinking back, Uchiha had always been fairly straightforward in his demands ("Spar with me or I'll call you billboard brow"). She could return that favor. "If you cooperate with Naruto-san and me, I promise that you'll have a much better chance at getting the bells."

She resisted the urge to smirk as his eyes widened. "You and—that idiot?"

"Who else? He's surprisingly resourceful in battle, you know. Naruto-san's not _completely_ useless."

The suspicious look still hadn't left him. "And the bells? Only those who have it will pass the test." His eyes narrowed in accusation. "That's your real plan, isn't it? To snatch it from either of us once we've eluded the jōnin?"

Sakura's first instinct was to protest that he had made her sound like a cold-hearted bitch, then realized that it didn't matter as long as she could get him interested. She allowed herself a small, dry smile. "When you put it that way…why, yes. I figured that you would be child's play compared to Hatake. What's the matter, Uchiha-san? Afraid that you'll lose to little ol' me?"

"Hardly. I'd like to see you try." He smirked and she knew that she had him then, only that instead of feeling pleased by her ingenuity, she had the sinking sensation that she had just introduced two stray tomcats onto her hastily knitted tent of yarns. With the barebones of her plan already in danger of falling apart once it met the force that was the Copy Nin, she didn't want to think of what pure horror having her plan being inadvertently derailed from within would look like. To begin with, she didn't believe she could actually win against Uchiha at his best.

But nothing else had worked and she really, really wanted to see the surprise in that one lazy eye.

That was, of course, the exact moment Naruto announced his presence. "Hey, Sakura-chan, did you find the bas—holy crap, I so gotta take pictures of this!"

* * *

Naruto had sent out two clones, transformed into Uchiha and Sakura, with the explicit instruction to roam the training ground as though to look for and evade Hatake respectively. Sakura thought it unlikely that the jōnin would fall for a deception that shallow—and she still harbored suspicions that one of his kage bunshin was still following them out of detection—but neither boys had objected. Uchiha, she suspected, hadn't cared because there was no risk to him, and Naruto was, well, Naruto. Standing in the open and yelling loud enough to be heard from the gates was his style.

"Hey, duster head! I want rematch!"

"You're right; he's not useless," Sasuke muttered to Sakura, whose face was buried in her palms. "Thanks to him, the jōnin will know it's a trap."

"I did tell him to act like normal and draw Hatake out." Sakura wasn't really defending Naruto, but she definitely knew better now than to give Naruto too much of a wiggle room next time. _If we still end up in the same team._

Wind rustled the bush they were hiding behind and Sakura shifted slightly to adjust her cover. She glanced at Uchiha, taut like a drawn arrow, ready to launch and strangle Naruto himself. She felt her heart beating faster in anticipation. She couldn't hear what they were talking about, but soon Naruto would engage Hatake, and then it would be up to her to signal Uchiha and make her own move. She saw Naruto and his clones (dimly she marveled that Naruto had up till now created approximately twenty and showed no signs of fatigue) rushing the jōnin and raised one hand, lest Uchiha got impatient and charged ahead of time.

Naruto had gotten Hatake to activate the shuriken swarm trap that he had set up using every last throwing items the three of them had. Instead of making it one-directional, Naruto had rigged the trap so that once it was activated, shuriken would shoot in one direction, and a second later a second swarm from a completely different point. Hatake had substituted himself with a log for the first one, and by some luck he had re-appeared in the path of the second one.

Uchiha took that as a sign and shot out of hiding, ignoring Sakura's quiet hiss. She spent only a fraction of a second cursing his stupid back before giving up her flimsy plan as lost and joined the battle. Chakra pooled on the soles of her shoes as she ran up the closest tree. Its branches was part of the circle of closely intertwined boughs that surrounded the clearing, perfect for sudden ambushes from above and part of why Sakura had chosen this area to engage Hatake. To her ears, her sandals scraping against wooden barks and leaves brushing with her clothes were as deafening as exploding tags, but she hoped that the other two genin would be distraction enough.

Her fingers flickered, forming the seals for a genjutsu Shizune had taught her, holding off on the last seal that would send it into Hatake's senses. No doubt a jōnin like him wouldn't be fooled by a hitch in his sense of balance, but if she could time it with one of the boys' assaults…

_There_. one Naruto had his fist cocked back behind Hatake while he was parrying Uchiha's relentless attacks. Hatake turned around, hand swinging around to catch the incoming attack only for him to swat at empty air and Naruto's fist nicked his ear. Hatake recovered quickly, using the momentum of his other hand to gently nudge the still airborne Naruto into the path of another and they both disappeared in smoke.

He would have been alerted to her presence, if not her exact location, by now if he hadn't known already. Still, his back was turned away from her and his attention was wholly on Uchiha and his little fires, and so Sakura struck. Focusing chakra into her limbs was second nature to her, and she wasted no time in diving in chakra-coated fist first.

At the last possible second Hatake spun and saw her. As time slowed down, she exulted at the slight widening of his eye. Then her fist struck, bits of wood flying in all direction; it didn't truly stop until she hit the ground and discharged the remaining chakra in her hand.

The ground exploded, raining dirt and gravel on both Uchiha and Naruto. Sakura ignored their surprised yells as she steadied herself on chakra-coated footings and whirled around in search for Hatake. The jōnin seemed to have vanished; Sakura's mind went into overdrive even as Uchiha and Naruto regrouped around her, themselves warily searching for their adversary.

"Where did—" Naruto began before he was knocked into Sakura, whose feet stumbled on the uneven grounds in her attempt to dodge.

"Don't move."

While she was busy with Naruto, Hatake had somehow subdued Uchiha and was now sitting on him. A kunai was pressed next to his jugular vein almost casually as Hatake pinned her in place with a cold gaze.

"I've had enough of you punks making a mockery of your forehead protectors. Now, Sakura, kill Naruto or Sasuke dies!"

He did not need to exude his killing intent; she knew that she was staring into the eye of the man who had mastered a thousand jutsu and killed just as many enemies. He would not need even one to kill all three of them, would even find it a waste of his time.

Blood roared in her ears, drowning all sounds and she briefly wondered what Naruto was babbling about. Then she realized that he was flipping the verbal bird at Hatake because there was no way that Sakura-chan would do something like that, and all she could think of was _you idiot, how can you believe in someone who you don't know at all?_

"I won't kill Naruto." She was surprised to find the words coming out of her mouth, and even more so by how calm she sounded. "Why do you need me to do that? What would stop you from killing Uchiha even if I complied? You're a jōnin; you can kill all three of us in one blink."

She watched him with clinical detachment, curious if she would be able to watch the first sign of him rising to her challenge. Would he kill Uchiha first, and then her and Naruto? Would she even be able to at least get one punch in?

It didn't immediately register to her when Hatake merely shook his head. He was suddenly a porn-reading, crazy-haired, lazy teacher once again and so much unlike the brief glimpse of Sharingan Kakashi that Sakura reeled and almost missed what he said next.

"Not the best answer, Sakura-chan. Ah, I suppose I can't fault you for actually using your brain. But I'll give you punks a pass." Somewhere in the training ground, the bell went off. Hatake rose to his feet, pulled Uchiha up as well, and pushed him to stand with the other two. Sakura, still a little too confused, caught him before he dropped again. It was testament to Uchiha's confusion as well that he didn't shake her off immediately.

Hatake took in their befuddlement and shook his head. "I don't like repeating myself, but you pass. All three of you."

"Wait, wait, wait, what? No, seriously, what? None of us got the bells!" Naruto screeched, killing her eardrums and dropping a mountain of insight on Sakura at the same time.

"That's—defeating you was never point of the test—you just want us to work together!" In hindsight, it all made sense—the impossible task, the incongruence between the number of bells, their being put on a three-man cell, and the success/failure rates—if she ignored all the evidence pointing to his laziness.

"I'm going to pretend that you'd had that epiphany earlier and just needed to vent," Hatake said dryly. His eye swept over all three of them, as though contemplating whether to retract his judgement.

"Hey, hey, hey, sensei, no take-backs!" Naruto said, clasping his hands together in plea. "Well, I took back what I said, you're a really cool guy and I promise I won't complain if you take us as your students!"

The mask shifted as though Hatake was smiling. "I still hate you all too, and your teamwork sucks, but we'll see what we can do, eh?" His eye glazed over to a point above their heads as he continued. "See that cenotaph over there? That is where they record the names of heroes of our village…."

* * *

Sakura's first knowledge of hidden villages, like most other things, came from the few non-medical and child-friendly textbooks buried deep within Tsunade's library-scrolls. She would later recognize them as mementos of Shizune's Academy days, and like the textbooks of her own curriculum, they talked at great length about the other Elemental countries: their geography, economy, culture, and, most importantly, speculations on what their ninja breeding settlements must have been like based on the extrapolation of that information in conjunction with what little intelligence Konoha managed to steal.

None of the books talked about Konoha, whether because it was the sort of thing that even students had to find out on their own or for fear of the textbooks falling into enemies' hands. They didn't get down to the nitty gritty details of life in a hidden village either, leaving Sakura to develop all sorts of expectations and presumptions, mostly by imagining the exact opposite aspects of mundane people's settlements, that were upturned on almost daily basis. After one year, she'd thought she had understood the ways and philosophies of ninja.

Which was why she stared long enough to be rude, trying to figure out why the sight of a crippled man—who nonetheless seemed fit and had all the bearings of a ninja— coming out of Tsunade's office was so surprising. Ninja grew old, got crippled, did both, and might yet retain their wisdom and knowledge. Maybe it shouldn't have been so surprising that those inadequate for active duty were still commissioned for more advisory roles.

"This must be Sakura-ojōchan," he said; it took her a moment to realize that Tsunade was standing right behind him. It felt like her brain was taking combat moves seriously as it made itself as small as possible to evade the man's piercing gaze.

"Sakura, this is Shimura Danzō-sama." Tsunade didn't even bother to hide her displeasure. It was a wonder that he, a man important enough for Tsunade to escort out of her office, didn't seem to notice. "And he has a meeting that he would really like to get to…" Tsunade trailed off, looking at Sakura pointedly.

Sakura blinked, then jumped to the side, bowing her head slightly. "Ah, of course. I apologize, Shimura-sama—"

He snorted, half-turned to face both Sakura and Tsunade. "Thank you, hime. I am not senile yet to forget my own schedule. I will always have time for children of Konoha. They are, after all, the future of our village."

Sakura had, up until that point, kept her eyes on his nose as was polite. It took all her willpower to not lower it so as to escape the raking gaze of his dark eye entirely. Out of the corner of her eyes, Tsunade, unbelievably impassive, tilted her head as though saying _if you say so_. Sakura breathed slower, standing tall. She thought she saw something else flickering across Danzō-sama's eye, but it was gone before she could start to decipher its meaning.

Just as Sakura thought that Danzō-sama found speaking his thoughts aloud was beneath him, he shifted cane first. "We expect great things from you and your team, Sakura-ojōchan."

Sakura wondered why he needed that cane at all; his gait was steady and sure-footed, his center of balance did not once shift with each step, and each cycle wasted no movement. She watched him even as the clacks of his cane echoed lower and lower in tone until they were but a whisper in her ears.

Sakura wrenched her eyes away to find Tsunade watching her, still standing in front of her door, arms crossed and lips pursed.

"So, what do you want, Sakura?" Tsunade said, her voice surprisingly even.

Sakura looked down at the plastic bag in her hand. "Oh, right. I brought you dinner since something tells me that you've been skipping meals."

Tsunade accepted her offering, inspecting it with one raised eyebrow. "Tell _her _that if she has time for gossiping then she has time for breathing fresh air." She started to go back inside, then paused when Sakura didn't follow. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Um, you seem to be busy—"

Tsunade snorted. "When am I ever not? Lock the door."

Swallowing her anger, Sakura obeyed. She couldn't sustain it too long either as she couldn't help but be a little worried that Tsunade had to actually lock her door to get some privacy. It snowballed into wondering if Tsunade had had decent sleep. Her henge would never allow something as imperfect as puffy eyes or bloated cheeks to show, but Sakura had a feeling that if she just asked she would at best be deflected.

At worst she could get her head bitten off.

Tsunade deposited her dinner on the less cluttered table at the corner of her office, and glanced at the wall clock above the door. Tsunade sighed, sitting down behind her paperwork-covered work desk. The plastic chair creaked minutely under her weight as she gestured for Sakura to take the guest's seat.

Tsunade slumped forward, elbows resting on only empty space on the desk and chin on steepled fingers. "I see that you didn't grab food for yourself."

It was such a domestic question, said with an almost normal tone that Sakura was caught off guard. She shrugged in reply. "Someone has to finish off all those leftovers in the fridge." If they hadn't gone moldy, she amended privately, but it wasn't like there was a shortage of restaurants in Konoha. Then, before Tsunade could change the subject so thoroughly that she'd forget, Sakura asked, "Shishō, who was that man?"

Tsunade's lips twisted. "Danzō? Someone I hope for your sake you'll never have to know very well. But with my luck…Think of him as the old monkey's rival and opposite number." At Sakura's bemused look, she clarified, "Sarutobi-sensei, Hokage-sama or Sandaime-sama to you."

Sakura folded her hands, lest she started fidgeting under Tsunade's beady stare. "Now, were you ever going to tell me about your genin team at all or was I supposed to find out from Shizune, whenever she surfaces, or heaven forfend, from the gossipy hens with too little to do?"

"I—I only knew for sure this afternoon, and you've been so _busy_." Inwardly, she winced. The answer had sounded much more firm and sufficiently indignant in her head.

"Kid, if I'd so much as thought that a bell test, evolved into nonsensical mediocrity as it is, was beyond you, I'd not have brought you into Konoha, much less think of an adoption." Her eyes narrowed. "Although I gather that you didn't actually manage to grab the bell at all. I could tell that your new teacher wasn't terribly impressed." _And neither am I _went without saying.

Sakura bit her lip as she looked down so as not to see the disappointment. Her eyes were burning at the edges from rage, at herself as much as the woman before her. _Then why did you, when I would never even think to ask?_ Tsunade didn't even like her most of the time.

She couldn't disagree, though. At the end of the day, coming close only meant that she couldn't reach the target. She had been fortunate that her teachers had been there to catch and overlook her mistakes.

"I'll do better next time," she said quietly. _And you won't look to me for my failures anymore._

There was a sound of plastic scraping against plastic, A smooth and flawless hand cupped her chin, strong and gentle in its Alcoholic tang of the indulgence and disinfectant kind clung to Tsunade for as long as Sakura could remember as though she had glands for it. (And since Konoha, ink and dead wood as well.) Sakura looked up to find Tsunade examining, and not really seeing, her forehead, where a pristine metal plate pronounced her new allegiance for the world to see. Then her eyes travelled down. Sakura found herself unable to look away from those even as she felt her mind, heart, and soul peeled open layer by layer.

"Is this what you really want, Sakura?" Tsunade whispered. Sakura had to strain her ears to listen to the next one. "This village that chops its own trees to feed the fire, to keep the long night and its beasts away, until there are no more left?"

She had asked that question verbatim a scant year ago just as they were closing in on Konoha's great forest. That Tsunade had to ask her again _hurt. _She took Tsunade's hand in her own as she said, "I told you that you're not getting rid of me that easily."

She saw flashes of emotions: there was sadness, and something like pride, and hatred. Perhaps Tsunade recognized the also verbatim answer for what it was, or perhaps not. She let out a shaky laugh either way.

"You're a fool, Sakura, but not more so than I."

Sakura let go of her hand, bemused to the point of speechlessness. "Tsunade—"

In the pause between syllables, three things happened: her headband slid all the way to her crown, Tsunade stood in front of her, and her chapped, dry lips met Sakura's forehead. The kiss seared through her skin, through her frontal bone, sparking from the frontal lobe straight into the amygdala. Her brain short-circuited, and her heart was suddenly too big for her chest.

It felt like an eternity that Sakura was bereft of any thought and feeling except for the heat that still lingered even after Tsunade pulled back and fixed her headband back onto its proper position. _Don't put it there_, she thought abstractedly, _it'll melt, and then I'll have the leaf engraved on my forehead forever._

"Oh, Sakura," Tsunade sighed as though the world was on her shoulders, "what am I going to do with you?"

No, Sakura thought, that's my line. Tsunade was _always _so unfair and confusing—rebuke and compliment all in one sentence, wrapped around the same words; comments that could have been praise if only because they were slightly less acidic than usual; nice words born out of disappointment… How hard was it to just outright say that she hated her, or found her a nuisance?

_And now this._ This was a jumble of conflicting emotions, this was a mess of stuttering ideas, this was… the word 'nice' leapt at her and, if truth be told, not entirely unwelcome.

Distantly, as though viewing from under a pond into the blue sky, she saw Tsunade pull a folder from her desk and all but slapped the manila on Sakura's skull. "Here. Study that; in the field it can mean the difference between the life and death of your teammates."

Sakura took the folder before Tsunade could decide that she needed more whacking. The familiar handwriting brushed on the cover indicated that it was Team Seven's medical files.

Tsunade leaned on her desk, looking at the ceiling with a peculiar expression that niggled at Sakura and brought her out of stupor at last.

"You have one of Konoha's best shinobi as your jōnin-sensei. Take advantage of his experience, pick apart that genius brain of his for your own, suck him dry of all his skills. Surpass me."

And, much more to herself than to Sakura, she whispered, "Then I'd have paid off the last of my debts."

Old, Sakura realized; Tsunade looked so dry and brittle, like a giant tree that reached mightily for the sky but rotten and hollowed out on the inside. It didn't fit her eternally youthful beauty.

Sakura never wanted to see that look again.

Of all the responses she could have made, Sakura said the one that made least sense to her. "But how can I do that when Hatake Kakashi knows nothing about medical ninjutsu?"

Tsunade let out a startled laughter that cut off just as it started.

"Good, so you realize that you're but a squirrel in this great jungle! Well, I suppose I can carve out a little of my time for you."

Tsunade left shortly thereafter—to a surgery or a council meeting or the Hokage's summons, she had no idea. She'd spoken vaguely on purpose, Sakura suspected, in which case she couldn't summon enough annoyance to care. Tsunade had also left Sakura with a strict order to rest and _eat more for heaven's sake, you're just skin and bones now_. There might have been a deliberate irony in there somewhere, except that Sakura was honestly sick of trying to understand Tsunade for the night.

Sakura didn't want to go back home yet, though. She could arrive two hours later and still end up turning on all the lights. The medical files were far more appealing. She skimmed through them: Naruto's jacket hid as much as it made him stand out; Uchiha had a family history of going blind after a couple of decades; Kakashi's sharingan eye was a significant chakra sink with noted concerns for long-term deterioration to his chakra systems.

One field that somehow remained the same throughout all three files stuck out to her like cicadas in winter. Uzumaki Naruto, emergency contact: the Hokage. Uchiha Sasuke, emergency contact: the Hokage. Hatake Kakashi, emergency contact: the Hokage.

Despite her reservations, Tsunade's words echoed from the recesses of her memory. "The problem with old monkeys," Tsunade had said after presenting her to—in Tsunade's own words—Sakura's grandmaster, "is that they prefer paralysis by way of arthritis to the sweet delirium of medicine. It just so happens that last night was one of the worst winter nights even by Snow Country standards, and the Hokage is whining about his aged bones. The morning after that, the dissenting old bats have got it into their heads that the Hokage's motion is, in fact, less evil than his more moderate opposition's."

(Since then Sakura had always wondered if he'd been responsible for Tsunade's mode of speech, too. Or if being vexingly obfuscating was part of his curriculum.)

For all of five minutes, she toyed with the idea that the Hokage coincidentally put together a four-man cell of orphans while there were several teams entirely made up of civilians and at least two teams where all three genin were clan brats.

Sakura snorted loudly as she closed the folder and rose from her seat. No more deep thoughts tonight, she prescribed to herself, just hot water bath, steamy food, and lots and lots of sleep.

* * *

_Next: Kakashi may be lazy, but he does teach. It's just not the lessons he'd like them to learn._

* * *

Notes:

1. Huge thanks to Sessalisk, awesome beta that she is, who makes this chapter a lot less sucky. Thanks to folks at Spacebattles, as well.

2. The title of the fic is taken from a quote.

3. Somewhat relatedly, I highly recommend (nth)coincident for extremely well-written _Naruto _fics. She's also partly responsible for sparking this AU in the first place.

4. Thanks for getting this far, and please comment on what works or doesn't work for you and why! Even if you hate it I'd still like to know which part offends you.


	2. Chapter II: Genius

**A Sort of Entailment**

**Chapter II: Genius**

_Konoha loves its child prodigies. Sometimes they can even live long enough to get their heads out of their backsides and return the feeling._

* * *

It was the night that everyone in Konoha had been waiting for. Konoha's number one _enka _singer, Kasuga Kasuga, was finally back in town after a long mission on the border to Wave Country. A heartthrob of anyone old enough to appreciate good _enka _and don't mind the horribly scarred face of a ten-year chūnin, his performance at _A Crow and A Bar _tonight was sure to draw in the regular patrons and _enka _connoiseur.

Kakashi, who was neither of these nor the kind of man who had alcohol as his necessary vice, looked forward to spending his night there. The beer would help soften his head enough to soak the music in; he was in the mood for a change of pace.

Apparently he wasn't the only one with that sentiment. There were more shinobi packed into the modest bar than he'd ever seen gathered in one place outside of the Hokage's assemblies. He even knew some of them, and they nodded or saluted him with their sloshing glasses.

A familiar person drew his eye and waved him over. Well, he was already in a place he normally wouldn't deign to visit; he might as well sit down with someone who could share his...experience.

"Asuma," he said as he slid into the stool next to the man. "Didn't think you're a fan."

"Yo, Kakashi," Sarutobi Asuma said. "I wouldn't say that. Good live music is just surprisingly hard to find in this place."

The crowd had quieted down. Kasuga Kasuga, dressed in airy and tailored _layers _of kimono, stepped onto the tiny stage. In his dulcet voice he began enthralling his audience of the sights he saw in Wave. It was mostly noise to Kakashi. He had never been to the land they now called Wave Country but he knew that it was far too temperate to have blizzards. His neighbor, though, was another story.

Asuma seemed to have forgotten about Kakashi at the first pluck of the _shamisen_, soon to be joined by the _pipa_, and finally the trills produced by a man's throat. Even tin-eared Kakashi had to admit that Kasuga wasn't half bad for a man who accidentally stumbled into his secondary passion on the way to a seduction mission. _Excuse me, intelligence gathering_.

He ordered, and soon received, a giant frothing mug of his own. It tasted rather sweet, actually, once it had sufficiently numbed his tongue.

Midway into the second chorus, his drinking companion returned from his trance. Maybe it was like the lukewarm, more-MSG-than-spices instant miso to the capital's handmade, pricey-as-hell fare Asuma had become used to. He offered Kakashi a toast to cat herders everywhere.

"You took your brats out on a Tora mission," Kakashi guessed.

"You should have seen the poor cat." Asuma shook his head. "Good thing we had Chōji. Trying to get all three of them to train seriously is such a pain in the ass." He sighed, scratching his chin. "If they were aiming for the laziest Ino-Shika-Cho as their distinction, I'd say they pass."

Kakashi hummed. He stopped when he realized he'd just rendered the _shamisen_'s run up and down the scale with his throat.

"And how's this year's Sannin hopefuls? Pretty stacked in your favour, aren't they? Uzumaki, Uchiha, Senju. Weighty names."

Ah, his team, AKA the thing that had been on his mind much more often than it should. "Well, those three punks…"

* * *

_Kakashi started the week with the premonitions common to any adults who suddenly found themselves chained to three budding assassins. On the first day that Team Seven was a thing, he woke up and went about his morning rituals as though it was any other day._

_And if he spent two hours longer at the memorial stone than was usual—well, maybe he found his team's apparent annoyance amusing, if underwhelming. He'd have to keep coming late now, until Sakura and Sasuke joined in Naruto's hollering._

_They were such cute kids, his team, all brimming with energy and genuine eagerness to learn. Even Sasuke, who was trying his best to look constipated. The least he could do was get them off a great start._

_"Today you are going to learn the hallmark of Konoha shinobi: the ancient and noble art of tree climbing…without hands." Kakashi said with some dramatic pauses for effect._

_Interestingly, Sasuke's eyes drifted to Sakura as Naruto said, "Oooh, like that thing that Sakura-chan did yesterday?"_

"_Exactly. Besides enabling you to take advantage of your terrain, the exercise will help you get stronger by having better chakra control. Sakura-chan, since you're the master here, why don't you tell us how?"_

_The girl blinked owlishly at him. "But I'm not—oh, alright."_

_She launched into a short lecture, hitting all the points Kakashi himself would have emphasized and using simple, descriptive words that focused on the practical applications. That was better than Kakashi had expected from someone with her age and experience; he wondered if she'd actually had to deal with patients._

_He could see the gears turning in Naruto's head—at least, Kakashi hoped that was what his scrunched up face meant—and Sasuke tilted his head as though he was pondering. Well, now, Kakashi thought._

"_Show them how to do it, Sakura-chan," he prompted, when it appeared that she was done talking and was waiting for cues. She gave him a guarded look but complied. To his other two students, Kakashi said, "Sakura-chan is going to focus __chakra on the soles of her feet, keep it there on a steady level, and…"_

_And strolled up to the top a tree as though it were part of the earth and not a twenty-meter wooden structure jutting out._

_Naruto's jaw dropped as Sasuke, shoulders hunched, muttered "show off". Kakashi, for his part, smirked. Perhaps the plan that had come to him just scant minutes ago had potential after all._

"_Good job, Sakura-chan. That's the gist of it, although in reality you won't be able to just stroll like that on your first __try. To put it simply: focus your chakra, then run to gather some momentum, and whatever you do, remember to keep the chakra flow constant. Use your kunai to mark your progress. Sakura-chan, why don't you come down?" Sakura jumped and landed on her feet. The benefits of an excellent chakra control and, to quote Sasuke, showing off. Kakashi approved._

"_Alright, time to put it to practice! Since she's already more advanced than the rest of you in chakra control, Sakura-chan will be in charge of the training. __Listen to her well, boys. None of you will go home today unless everyone can reach… that height." He pointed at one of the shortest trees around. In practice no genin could reach within a day—or a week, with this generation. "Questions?"_

"_Yes," Sakura sai__d. She looked rather suspicious. "What will you be doing in the meantime, Sensei?"_

_Understanding dawned on Naruto's face. "Yeah! I bet you just want to slack off and read your porn!" he yelled, finger pointing and all._

_Kakashi clucked his tongue. "Ah, so little faith in your sensei. Have you ever heard of the saying that one doesn't truly master something until one teaches it, Sakura-chan?"_

"_You're the teacher," she insisted, though she seemed unable to speak the rest of her sentence. Well, he thou__ght, it was still the first day._

* * *

"…they're not so terrible. They did D-rank missions as well as can be expected." His expectations being a lot of bickering and not a few mean-spirited elbow-bumpings along the way. "And the boys took to tree climbing very eagerly, if slowly." Seriously, what happened to the Academy's standard? Why wasn't it mandatory for shinobi of the village hidden in _leaves _to master tree climbing before getting their headbands?

Asuma guffawed. "Slowly my ass, you unrepentant genius. Have you seen Shikamaru and Chōji?" He took a sip of his beer. "So it seems like the little princess is doing alright."

He sounded interested. Sarutobi Asuma had left his hometown in a fit of much-too-late teenage rebellion (at least it was after the war was over, everyone would say) to live a far more glittery life as one of the Twelve Guardian Shinobi of the daimyo. For a decade, he'd let Konoha believe his back was the last they'd see of him.

Then one foggy morning he was at the gate, having filled out all his gangly limbs and grown quite an amount of hair, and, despite the leaf symbol on his forehead, looking out of place. Not a lot of people knew why he came back, though everyone was glad to see one of their own returned after years of no news, walking on his own and not in a white box. The Hokage's prodigal son slid into his place in the village as though he'd never left.

As a mere acquaintance, Kakashi had never thought much about it, but he found it plausible that Asuma was still awkward deep down. It was equally plausible that he asked out of empathy for Kakashi's even more foreign student rather than fishing for gossip. Kakashi considered, and answered.

"That she is. Why, while Sasuke and Naruto were falling down trees and the like…"

* * *

_Naruto had made it ten steps before he slipped and tumbled, somehow landing upright still. Almost as though in response, Sasuke stomped too hard and left another crater on his tree, the second one at that exact same height._

_It was their third day of doing this exercise, and neither of them had made fresh mark since that morning. Kakashi's optimism was forced to prostrate itself in the face of reality that his team still needed hand-holding. Well, he could do that. Even his ANBU trainees occasionally needed a loving kick in the head from time to time._

_"Alright, that's enough for today. Meet me tomorrow, same time, same place—Sakura-chan, stay back for a moment."_

_Kakashi noted without much interest that all three of them had stopped, though Sasuke just as soon started again, as if he had merely needed a moment to correct his footing. Naruto, however, needed a little more encouragement._

"_Go on, Naruto. I'm sure your ramen is waiting for you," Sakura said as she eyed Kakashi, who contributed with a shooing wave. Narut__o's shoulders slacked a little before shrugging. His yelled 'see you tomorrow!' was not as loud as Kakashi would have thought. Maybe he was getting used to Naruto's extraordinary lung capacity._

_As he turned to his remaining student, he remembered why this was the first time they were completely alone and in person. Kakashi's mother had died when he was very young and left him with no female relatives to speak of. He'd taken a grand total of one kunoichi under his command, and even he knew that ANBU operatives were terrible gauge of normal adults, much less teenage girls._

_He wondered if Minato-sensei had faced this sort of problem with Rin. Probably not—Sensei had always seemed to know what to say to each of them. Kakashi sent an apologetic prayer to Minato's shade in advance. His was the kind of imitation that would shame his teacher rather than flatter him, but Kakashi hoped the intent would make up for it._

_"Sensei? How can I help you?"_

_"Hm? Oh, sorry, Sakura-chan. You see, when one gets to be my age, one tends to have collected a substantial amount of wool."_

_"If you say so," she said flatly. She hesitated, then said, "Is this—do you want to talk about today's training session, perhaps?"_

_"Well, now that you mentioned it..." He trailed off as her resemblance to Rin faded away, but then it was a flimsy thing to begin with. It started with her being the sole girl in the team and ended with her being the designated team medic and not much else in between. It was possible that deep down she was just as sweet and kind._

_It was also possible that he was beginning to see that there was more to calling her the 'little princess' to Tsunade's 'princess' than choosing a clever moniker._

_Kakashi knew what tack to use with her now. He tilted his head back, staring down his nose with one eye, and inwardly smiled when she stood straighter in response._

_"It has been three days of training, Sakura. Frankly, I'm disappointed. I'd thought that you, all three of you, has understood the meaning of teamwork by the end of our first day. Tell me, was that display during the bell test only a fluke?"_

_For a second, Sakura looked like he'd just sucker-punched her before she collected herself. "Sensei, you're—that was an entirely different situation, Kakashi-sensei. Unity between non-opposing units under duress and against a common foe is not comparable to forcing cooperation between incompatible units in peacetime."_

"_That sounds like an excuse to me, Sakura." And cobbling to__gether passages from Konoha shinobi handbooks, but who's counting? He watched as she flushed under his scrutinizing stare, eyebrows drawn together in a good impression of a hawk about to dive. "You might be thinking, 'why is Kakashi-sensei yakking at me when it's those dunderheads who messed up?' Am I right so far?"_

_She looked down, though Kakashi could still see her grimace before it vanished. "Not really, Sensei," she answered, and made no other move to let him know what she was thinking. Kakashi didn't need help on that front, though. He remembered well enough of being twelve, already a j_ō_nin, and—in his mind as well as in reality—smarter than most of the adults surrounding him._

_In other words, a right little shit._

"_You'__ll have to be more specific, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said in a neutral tone. "I can't read your mind. 'Not really' could mean anything from, 'I don't really think they're dunderheads, more like absolute idiots' to 'I really want to crush your face, Sensei.'"_

_Sakura turned a lovely shade of purple as she raised her head and glared green daggers at him. Her fists were clenched at her sides and shaking. Despite himself, he eyed them warily, knowing that they could literally pop his head open, and thought 'oops'._

"_Dammit, Sensei, stop saying things like that! What do you want me to say? That you're absolutely right?"_

"_Is that how you talk to a superior?" Kakashi's frigid, not-so-subtle reprimand cut through her crescendoing tirade, and she visibly paled as she __averted her eyes. Throw the dog a bone, Kakashi, he chided himself. "Alright, so that was a little harsh. But I hope you get my point, Sakura. I don't care if it's your underlings who broke the vase; I'm going to yell at the biggest target: you, the head." As an afterthought, he added, "And that I still can't read your mind. Your thoughts on your team's progress?"_

_Sakura, still avoiding looking at him, answered after a pause, "I don't understand them. Maybe that's unfair since they seem to be struggling quite a lot too, but... I was seven when I could walk up and down perpendicular surfaces, and I definitely had much less chakra and experience using it. I thought that was normal for shinobi children." Sakura's brows drew together, her lips pursed in a manner reminiscent of someone Kakashi couldn't put his fingers on. "Naruto can produce dozens of shadow clones, and Sasuke is better at virtually everything. So what's stopping them from doing better than—" She made a slashing motion through the air that Kakashi would bet his sharingan could decapitate a grown man._

_Kakashi waited, but apparently that was the closing act of her rant. "I completely understand," said Kakashi, who'd first walked on water at the young age of six and had the pleasure of teaching a senior in ANBU something as simple as shape manipulation until he'd been blue in the face. "Different shinobi have different talents. You just happen to be what they'd call a genius in chakra control. If you don't believe me, go find the charts at the academy and you'll see a beautiful outlier dot labeled 'Senju Sakura'."_

"_Is that so," she said politely. She'd finally gathered the courage to look up to him once again._

"_Would you prefer being told that it's easier __for you because you don't have as much chakra as Naruto and Sasuke?" Kakashi smiled and ruffled her hair. Sakura squawked, taking a single step back, glaring half-heartedly at him. Kakashi chuckled. "All three of you are very different people. Well, think about what I've said, alright Sakura-chan?"_

"_Sensei, wait!" she yelled. He found it amusing, since he had been doing just that instead of disappearing without further ado as was his custom. At his affirmative hum, she continued, "I—I just thought of somet__hing. Maybe… maybe if they see me struggling along with them, maybe—"_

"_I see." Kakashi smiled widely. "You think they've been wasting your time."_

"_No! That's not—not wrong but I—I just thought that they would relate better to me if they saw me struggling__ along with them."_

"_Ah, I was wrong. You think that _I_ have been wasting your time." Her mouth opened and closed as she fought a losing battle with the blush creeping up her cheeks. "That's understandable. Hm... I'll have to see if I have something impossible for you to do. Is that all?"_

_She seemed hesitant. "No. There's—Sensei, I'm so—"_

"_Well, bye then!" With that, Kakashi vanished in a puff of smoke and leaves._

* * *

"…The next day, I had her practice a _raiton_, since her elemental affinity is water and I suspect earth is a close second. Lightning is about as far away from those two as possible."

"Please don't tell me that you taught her the _chidori_," Asuma said. His expression was peculiar on someone with so few wrinkles on his face.

Kakashi widened his eye as though struck with inspiration. "That's a good idea—well, no, just the precursor to it."

Said jutsu was in reality too weak to be used for more than shock tactic. Even so, Sasuke had looked at her with a certain fire in his eyes. Judging by how fervently he trained afterwards, Kakashi thought it was the fire of rivalry. He wasn't sure what to make of it yet. He had predicted, and would have encouraged had it shown itself, a rivalry between Sasuke and Naruto. While they were definitely competing for this exercise, it wasn't anything like the heated, lifetime game of oneupmanship that Kakashi wanted them to have.

It was odd to think of Kakashi locking horns with kind, sweet Rin instead of Obito, after all. Even if Sakura and Sasuke apparently had a history of trying to kill each other.

Kakashi shrugged, thinking that he should really finish his report while he wasn't too far gone yet. "She did ask for something impossible to learn. More importantly, she didn't yell at the other two as much as before. Even thought up several alternatives to the futile 'run up, fall, try again without so much a thought' cycle that the boys had going.

"Sasuke might have acted as though he hadn't been listening, but he finally reached the goal by the end of a full week of training." Though not exactly up to his standards, Kakashi thought it was an accomplishment for anyone of Sasuke's generation. He was more encouraged that he managed to get Sasuke to _listen_ to his peer, something that his academy instructors had noted as the only flaw to the genius last Uchiha.

Asuma started cracking open peanuts in rhythm, as though he was part of the percussion team. He offered the bowl of unopened peanuts to Kakashi, who politely declined.

"What of Naruto?" Asuma said, throwing a handful of peanuts into his mouth.

"Oh, he still only reached the halfway mark. I'd estimate another week or two of exercise for him." As Sakura had said, it wasn't for lack of effort. Naruto had left their last training session with determination in his eyes. Kakashi was confident that Naruto would get it... eventually.

"Hm." Asuma had emptied his own mug some time during Kakashi's recounting and started tapping at it. Kakashi found the clinks of nail against glass was out of sync with the music in the background. Kakashi found it a lot more entrancing.

Then he stopped tapping altogether and glanced at Kakashi. "So, what's the verdict?"

He thought that it was a very vague question, actually. Were he a more obstinate person, he would have given a hundred answers, all of them true and none of them what the other sought. He was not, however, so he answered, "They could be worthy heirs. Perhaps with a better teacher…" Kakashi's mug was half empty—half full, whatever; he decided that was the reason he added, "Sarutobi-sama."

Asuma's lips quirked as though it pained him to be amused. Or it amused him to be pained. "You're not running away from this one, Kakashi-kun."

There it was, the sound of the steel collar that had been hovering over his neck finally clamping shut. He _could_ break out, but then he would be dragging balls and chains with him wherever he went, and those things were noisy as hell. Sarutobi was more than giving him a sentence: he was stating what he knew to be an absolute fact.

_What would you do if the cuckoo refused to sing_, Kakashi had the sudden urge to ask some time after his drinking companion had excused himself. He wasn't really curious, anyway; one needed only to look at Konoha's last fifty years or so to know the answer.

"Yo, Asuma and Kurenai-san. You're late," Kakashi said aloud as the newcomers sat on either his sides.

"Kakashi-san," Kurenai murmured in return.

Asuma wrinkled his nose at the bowl of peanuts Kakashi had offered him. "Ugh, I suppose it's too much to ask for a bar that doesn't serve that disgusting legumen up front?"

"Don't mind him," Kurenai said, smiling, "he's just bitter that he's suddenly allergic to his favourite cheap snack."

"Oh, is that so?" Kakashi was one of the privileged few who'd witnessed a handful of innocent drinking snack nearly succeeding in what dozens of assassins couldn't. He was also sworn, on the pains of having his entire collection of _Icha Icha _donated to the Sarutobi clan's mountain apes, to forget about the incident. He cheerfully said, "Well, I'm beat. Have fun you two." And, for the hell of it, he tried wolf-whistling.

Asuma rolled his eyes, muttering his very flattering opinion of Kakashi's hair under his breath.

* * *

"Naruto, wake up."

He came to the feeling of earth and grass beneath him. Naruto lay in a daze, not knowing where he was or how he ended up boneless and hurting all over. His left arm was burning and—Naruto squinted at it long enough for it to stay still—probably wasn't supposed to bend like that. He tried to sit up to get a better look. Sakura-chan stopped him, one hand on his chest. The green outline of her hand was painful to look at, and although her touch was gentle, it felt a lot like trying to throw off a boulder.

"Don't move," she said softly. "Look at me." He thought that was a strange request—as if she needed to ask him that.

"Why's there two of you, Sakura-chan? Were you making clones? And why's my head wet; did I fall into a pool or something?"

Sakura-chan looked green. No, that was her eyes. Worried, right, she looked worried. "Naruto, do you remember what you were doing? Don't shake your head. Do you at least remember where the sun was?"

"The sun? What about the sun, it's always been up there, shining and being bright and in my eyes and annoying. Hey, Sakura-chan, am I annoying you yet?"

Much to his disappointment, she let go of him. She picked up his bendy arm with one glowy hand. A fresh bolt of pain shot straight to his head. Naruto whimpered. Her unoccupied hand, also glowing green, went to his scalp and somehow lessened the pounding. Naruto closed his eyes. Cutting off his vision helped, but just as he started getting drowsy, a splashing sound bursting in his ears. He whined.

"Sorry, that was…can you keep your eyes closed a little longer? Without falling asleep?"

He hummed his agreement; everything was too bright and painful to look at anyway. This time he felt the queer sensation of Sakura-chan's healing hand, felt it reduce the pressure inside his head, and felt its absence even more keenly. The cold, balmy feeling was a relief against the white hot pain, and Naruto cooed when it returned once more. He thought that Sakura-chan made a small noise of wonder, but she said nothing else for a long time. So long that Naruto thought he'd fallen asleep despite still being aware of the pain everywhere.

Sounds were coming through the haze of pain. He shook himself awake, flailing to catch that voice like a lifeline out of the foggy swamp. Somehow, he knew that he had to open his eyes. He did so, slowly, and was met with two brilliant green ones. He could almost pick out the shape of each eyelash.

Slowly, she said, "Good, just relax and tell me how you feel."

"Like I'd just fallen off the Hokage mountain? Hey, is that what happened to me?"

She pursed her lips for a second. "No. Your left arm suffers from a closed fracture, and you seem to have cracked a rib or two. The dizziness and double-vision you're experiencing are symptoms of a concussion. Don't worry about that. Sasuke?"

_My name's Naruto_, he thought, bemused. A moment later, someone else landed behind her with a soft thud. To Naruto's ears, the bastard might as well have been an drunk elephant.

"Is he still alive?"

"You don't hafta sound so disappointed, bastard," Naruto mumbled.

Sakura-chan said, "Sasuke, I'm going to take Naruto to the hospital. You should stay here and explain to Kakashi-sensei whenever he remembers that he's supposed to be teaching. Tell him—tell him that Naruto isn't critically injured, though it is nontrivial."

"You couldn't heal him after all." There was something in the Bastard's tone that Naruto didn't like. He didn't sound disappointed, nor worried; he just sounded…relieved?

Sakura-chan exhaled. "Naruto seems to have some undocumented auto-healing bloodline talents. It's... nothing I've encountered or studied, and I'm not sure what would happen if I add my medical ninjutsu to the mix." Her eyes sparked with thought. "Naruto, have you ever been treated at the hospital?"

Naruto tried sitting up, and found that he could, with the support of his uninjured arm. Sakura-chan hissed, but otherwise didn't make him lie down again. He tried grinning next with little success as his face refused to cooperate. "Look, I'm fine! No concuwhatsits gonna take me out that easily! I just gotta sleep it off—"

His body put that lie to rest. His head throbbed and stars popped on the back of his eyes. Naruto nearly lost what little balance he achieved with his right arm. Sakura-chan caught him in one hand, the other, once again, applying its magic on his head. Maybe it was his imagination, but there was a line visible under her headband, which hadn't been there before. "You said," Naruto went on quickly before she could sentence him, "you said I heal by myself. Don't need the hospital, I hate the hospital."

"The stupidity of sleeping off concussions of that severity aside, your arm still needs looking at. Come on, I'll help you stand up." Sakura-chan crouched next to him and slung his good arm over her shoulders. He felt, rather than saw, her free arm securing his back and waist on the opposite side. "Lean on me a bit…okay. On count of three, one, two…"

Instead of rising up, Naruto felt like the world was sinking around him while he stood still. But at least he was still standing, was not too much of a failure to fail at that. _Good thing I'm shorter than her_, Naruto thought suddenly. He turned his head, just enough to show how much he appreciated her. She was looking at him too—or not, she was staring at his dangling broken arm. "Sasuke—"

The bastard, who was still there, folded his arms. "I'm not carrying the idiot."

"Yeah, well, I don't want you to carry me too," said Naruto. Hm, his voice was returning. Maybe he was getting better without the hospital after all.

He wanted to tell Sakura-chan this, but she was quicker. "Can't the two of you be inane some other time? Sasuke, I don't care if you have to chase Kakashi-sensei down the road of life or whatever; he has to know. Naruto, try and keep your head from bouncing. This might hurt a bit, alright?" She cast one last strange look at his head. "And embarrassing, but this is an emergency," she muttered, more to herself than to him. Then she shifted, redistributing his weight so that his toes barely touched the ground.

Without warning, she started walking really, really fast. Or flying, with Naruto hanging from her shoulders and bouncing along awkwardly. Should he even try to support his own weight? Everything spun around him, and it was all he could do to stop the content of his stomach from spilling.

Naruto didn't remember how or when they finally arrived at the hospital. Sakura-chan brought him to a place she called the "emergency room". He couldn't even tell up from down.

A woman in shiny white uniform—_nurse_, his mind supplied_—_was immediately upon them the moment they stepped in. "Sakura-chan! Are you—" She paused, taking a good look at Naruto for the first time. She finished her sentence much more coolly. "Are you also injured?"

"I'm fine, but I need to get Naruto on a bed fast; I think he's about to throw up. He has severe concussion of unknown duration." She glanced sideways, worry etched all over her face. "As it is, we're lucky he doesn't have hypothermia as well."

The nurse's expression tightened for a second. It smoothed before Naruto could ask what the hell her problem was, and she was polite when she lead them.

They set him up in a room that stank so much of disinfectant and bleach that his nose itched. He retched as Sakura-chan helped him climb to the bed, and when the nurse shoved a bucket at him, he emptied all that was swimming in his guts. It wasn't much and didn't stink as bad as the hospital, but the nurse scowled at him anyway when she thought Sakura-chan couldn't see her.

"Better?" she said. She had somehow gotten his headband loose. Naruto's forehead felt naked without it, but he couldn't make himself take it back. He laid his head on the pillow instead. The bed was softer than what he had at home. Gingerly, Naruto spread his limbs over the surface. His chest still felt like someone stuck a porcupine in it, but at least he didn't have to make so much effort to draw air in. He tried a feeble nod.

"Just lie down for now." She turned to the nurse. "Could you help me find someone with high security clearance—Heidarō-sensei, if he's available; tell him that his expertise is needed in order to treat my teammate's…" Her eyes flicked to him, then back to the nurse. "Subdural hematoma." She spoke so fast he wasn't sure he heard correctly.

The nurse nodded, her expression blank. Sakura-chan watched her go. Her eyes lingered on the open door even after the nurse was gone.

Little motions no longer sent the content of his stomach hurling, and he could only see one crack on the ceiling instead of two that blurred into each other. The thought came to him anyway, and he didn't think of much before asking, "Sakura-chan, am I gonna die?"

She was at his side in an instant. Twice her hand made the journey between her side and his head, twice her hand stopped between either. She spoke with her voice pitched a smidgeon higher than usual. "Of course not. Why would you say that?"

"Oh, I don't know, subduwhatsits sounds bad." Sounded like someone tripped all over their tongue, actually. "But yanno, don't worry, I feel fine!"

Sakura-chan was saved from replying when a man walked in, the nurse only a few steps behind him. He wore a standard issue flak jacket under his white robe—at least a chūnin, in addition to being a doctor. The tracks on his forehead indicated that he'd been born scowling and couldn't revert. Sakura-chan had a weird expression when the doctor crossed the threshold; it was gone when he reached Naruto's other bedside. "Uzumaki Naruto, huh? Your diagnosis, jō-chan?" he said with a scratchy voice. His hands were already flashing through a series of hand seals, even as he spoke. The doctor's chakra-coated hand swept over Naruto from top to bottom. Naruto squirmed as the cool sensation passed over his injuries and lingered on his head.

Naruto saw Sakura-chan draw herself to her full height. She didn't quite become a new person entirely, but it occurred to him that this was a new sight all the same. "Subdural hematoma, either a small tear or a bigger one that has been partially healed by the time I got there. I have ex-sanguinated most of the hematoma—"

"My understanding," the doctor said, withdrawing his hand. Naruto wondered why he directed his sharp eyes at him instead of her. "Was that you needed me because you were _afraid_ to treat him?" The doctor's hands blurred in a long sequence of hand seals. "Don't move, boy, if you don't want your brain scrambled. _Don't _even think of talking."

Naruto thought, and ranted in his head, and petulantly wished that the doctor could somehow read his mind. Alas, the doctor's expression didn't change. Naruto's did. His eyes bugged out as he saw the doctor pull a crimson blob the size of a coin. Out of his head. Without him feeling anything except for his headache clearing a bit.

"Whoa, what is that?" Naruto stared at the thing that just came _out of his head_, now resting safely at the bottom of a basin the nurse had provided.

"That—" Sakura-chan started. The doctor said over her, "That is no longer a problem." The way he looked at Sakura reminded Naruto of the way Iruka-sensei usually looked before yelling at him. "The heavens favour you this time. There will not be a next time, _j_ō_-chan_."

Naruto wished she would say something clever back (or explain what the hell was going on, but he wasn't picky), but she only tightened her jaw. "With all due respect, _Sensei_, I could not in good conscience leave him alone."

The doctor snorted, looking back down at his patient. "Did I say that?" But there was a kind of airiness to him now, and an image of Kakashi-sensei, _Icha Icha_ in hand, suddenly came to Naruto.

The doctor spent _forever _healing him, and only his head at that. By the end, Naruto was _this close _to literally crying out of boredom. Worse, every time his eyes got the slightest bit droopy, Sakura-chan would poke him awake. Someone had made an ominous noise the first time his toes so much as twitched; Naruto laid absolutely still just to show that he could.

Finally, the doctor stepped back, massaging his shoulders as he admired his work. "There. The heavens favour fools, they say, and after seeing you I don't doubt that. Were it not for your regeneration and the princess's recklessness, you'd have jellyfish for brains by now. Your head will heal without problems so long as you stay rested. Your arm and ribs on the other hand, will have to wait for an operation. Some time in the evening." He ran a hand through his hair. "Damn me."

"So I can go straight home after that, right? How long's the operation gonna take?"

The doctor gave him a lopsided smile that didn't look like a smile at all, but it was Sakura-chan who answered. "Heidarō-sensei, if I may suggest, it might be best to keep Naruto here beyond normal post-operation recovery, for the purpose of studying his bloodline talent."

An image of Sakura-chan opening and flipping him around like a book flashed on Naruto's mind. He didn't catch the conversation between Heidarō's and Sakura-chan's eyes, though he did listen to the doctor's words, carried as they were by a light voice. "I shall defer to your prudence, _oj_ō_-sama_." The doctor tilted his head in something approximating a bow. "Is there another way your humble servant can be of some use?"

She twitched and glanced at Naruto. He prepared himself for another scolding, but she only tersely said, "No, that is all. Thank you, Heidarō-sensei." As Sakura-chan bowed at her waist, Naruto wondered if he should copy the doctor's funny gesture or his title for her. Maybe she was usually shirty with him because he didn't give her the respect appropriate for her station? (The Hokage's secretary had said something like that, once, while he'd been waiting for the old man to have their monthly ramen outing.)

Then again, Sakura-chan didn't seem to like the doctor much either.

The doctor was already out of the room when it finally occurred to Naruto that he couldn't see any headband on the doctor's person. What kind of Konoha shinobi wouldn't wear the very proof of their identity? "Aha, I knew I didn't like the guy for a reason!"

"Does there have to be?" Sakura-chan said dryly, the closest he'd seen her to being amused since he woke up. He beamed inwardly at the thought that he was the one to make her smile. And that she was paying a lot of attention to him. Like now, she was once again examining him with her eyes. "How do you feel now? Any pain, nausea, disorientation?"

Naruto assured her that no, he was completely fine and could totally walk and hell, even his arm no longer hurt so much. Instead of making her happy, Sakura only pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Just…stay put. Sleep. Please. I'm going to leave you alone, and when I come back you'd better not move even a centimeter." She gave him a stern glare. "I mean it, Naruto."

"But, Sakura-chan—" he began, not expecting the explosion that followed.

"Is there nothing—" He could almost see her fingers clamping her mouth shut and forcing her head to turn up. He didn't see anything interesting on the ceiling, though it took her awhile before continuing. "Look. You don't want to be here; I understand that. We're not keeping you here because we're bloody sadists, though we will be if that's what's best for you. I promise you will be out of here as soon as a doctor clears your bill. Can you promise me to listen and obey whatever the doctors and nurses tell you?"

"Of course. I don't go back on my words!" he said automatically, anything to make her stop sounding so tired. Naruto tried grinning and hoped it didn't look too much like a grimace.

Though she didn't seem fully convinced, in the end Sakura-chan left Naruto. Alone, with nothing to do but think and no one to talk to but himself, Naruto closed his eyes and tried this sleep thing. Better than to think about the bastard and Kakashi-sensei and all the training they must be having.

* * *

Kakashi arrived at Team 7's training ground to find Sasuke indulging his pyromaniac tendencies alone. An unusual situation, and a suspicious one. He was only two hours late instead of four hours like the previous day, and all three had stayed put long enough to yell at him then. He wondered if they were holding a grudge for that still.

Sasuke watched him for a short time before returning to his practice. He kept his back turned as Kakashi strolled over.

Fire sparked from Sasuke's fingertips, spouting little flaming balls that sliced through the afternoon air and fizzled before they could catch.

Thinking that he might as well get some reading done, Kakashi pulled out _Icha Icha Tactics_. He only read three lines before he wasforced to duck. Fireballs the size of his thumb sailed over his head. Kakashi snapped his book shut and stowed it into safety in his pockets.

Sasuke didn't even have the decency to pretend he'd merely misfired. He kept his posture straight, even as Kakashi said, "That's not very nice, dragging my defenseless, innocent book into this. I suppose Naruto and Sakura will spring onto me any second now? Or are you an illusion to begin with?"

Sasuke leveled him a look. "The idiot hurt himself training. Sakura took him to the hospital."

"That so? Well, okay." Despite his slouch, Kakashi couldn't help but worry. In his experience, there was a limit to the dangers of training-inflicted injuries, and according to the files, Sakura should be able to handle the gamut. However, Naruto was not the number one surprising shinobi for nothing; inventing a novel way to injure himself should not be outside his purview.

He was certain of one thing, however: Sasuke's reporting skills sucked. "Do you at least know what's wrong with Naruto?"

Sasuke unstuck his jaw long enough to say, "Sakura said he suffered a concussion, several broken ribs, and one completely shattered arm."

"Ah." Those didn't sound too troublesome to Kakashi. "And how did it happen?"

"Sakura thought he'd been climbing all night and fell off the highest tree."

"Huh. And what do _you _think?"

Sasuke tucked his chin. "_I _told her it was unlikely the deadlast could have managed that in such a short time."

Kakashi didn't reply. Sometimes he, too, found it hard to remember that Naruto mastered _kagebunshin no jutsu _in a night. One more reason for Kakashi to visit him in the hospital, besides fulfilling his responsibility as a teacher.

Before that, though, he had to take care of the problem in front of him. Sasuke, hands in pockets, chin jutting out, was still staring at him with narrowed eyes. Kakashi didn't remember him being this attentive ever, even during the bell test when he was seriously coming with the intent to kill.

Kakashi inwardly sighed. "Something the matter, Sasuke?"

"You have the Sharingan."

"I do."

Sasuke didn't respond. Kakashi sighed again. Never mind his reporting skills, the boy's _people _skills sucked, period. "That has never been a secret, Sasuke. What of it?"

"You're not an Uchiha," Sasuke said, glaring, arms crossed.

Kakashi's first instinct was to give him the same answer he'd given Sakura. The rational part of him responsible for his survival to adulthood reminded him to look underneath. This boy had lost his whole clan at the tender age of eight. As scary as it was, it wouldn't be entirely implausible that Sasuke was looking for the last dregs of his kin. Kakashi would, were their positions switched. _Best to nip that in the bud._

"I am not related to the Uchiha at all," Kakashi said firmly. "This eye is a… gift, and it's a long-winded story. Though, I might tell all three of you someday if you behave."

Sasuke didn't seem satisfied. He wanted something else then, but what? Was the boy so thoroughly the product of his clan? His clan, who jealously clung to their inheritance? Who would have killed Kakashi for his theft of Obito's sacred eye, had it not been for the Yondaime Hokage's interference? "I want you to teach me how to use it."

_Or he was looking for something more doable and not at all child-like._ Kakashi shoved down his disappointment as he said, "When making a request, you say 'please'."

Kakashi could almost hear Sasuke's teeth grinding. Had he ever been this awful to Minato-sensei? As he wracked his memory, he came to the conclusion that yes, Kakashi had, and then some. Occasionally. Still, he made a mental note to bring Minato-sensei a dozen boxes of his favourite _senbe_ next time he visited.

Eventually, Sasuke choked out, "Please."

Kakashi made his eye crinkle. "I can't teach you how to use something you don't have yet."

Sasuke shrugged. "Then teach me how to awaken it."

The council would love that, Kakashi thought. They practically had their pants in a bunch worrying that their last source of pinwheel eyes of doom could be a dud. He would have to comply eventually, since that was one of the reasons Sasuke was assigned to him. _Except that he's not the only one. _Kakashi had two other charges under him, and he suspected that the Hokage expected _something _out of all three of them.

Every night, Kakashi went to sleep more and more convinced that _something _stood for the second coming of the Sannin most of the higher-ups were anticipating. He dared not to think too much of what it implied for him, Hatake Kakashi, as their teacher.

But in the meantime, someone had to remind Sasuke that he was put on a team for a reason.

"I'll think about that," Kakashi said, surprised to find that he meant it. To balance that, he added, "if you'll think about your teammates' strength."

All he received was a non-committal shrug. Ah, well, at least Kakashi had tried. "So, shall we go see your teammates?" At Sasuke's incredulous stare he elaborated. "I distinctly remember mentioning that those who leave their teammates are trash. Well, one of you is hurt. The least you can do is confirm that he's still alive."

"It's the idiot," Sasuke scoffed, but he didn't seem adverse to the idea. A small victory, but Kakashi would have plenty of time to beat teamwork into him.

Kakashi turned and took the rooftop way to the hospital. It was a leisurely pace for him, though he could hear Sasuke scrambling to keep up. Kakashi couldn't stop smirking.

At the hospital, a nurse pointed them to one of the emergency wards. His worries were laid to rest when the first thing he saw upon entering the room was Naruto, wide awake and bored of the hospital already. Kakashi approved.

"Kaka-sensei!" he said, and Kakashi wondered if the claims that his ribs and concussion were broken were true at all. People with brain injuries normally flipped at mosquitoes buzzing next to their ears. "And the bastard. You're both late!"

Kakashi leaned on the door jamb, leaving plenty of room for Sasuke to step through. He didn't, of course. "Well, there was this baby cart—"

"Liar!" Ah, and the morning was routine once again.

A nurse appeared suddenly and, undeterred by his forehead protector or jounin vest like only a medic could, told them all to keep it down. Kakashi was amused to see Sasuke's heckles raised at sharing Naruto's blame.

Kakashi said, "Really, Naruto, good to see you hale and hearty. Now, where's Sakura?"

Naruto's nose wrinkled. "See, that's the thing. We got here, Sakura-chan called for some dickish doctor, he healed me, and then she left. I don't know where Sakura-chan is except that the nurse said she was still around the hospital somewhere, trying to talk to this Heidarō-sensei person."

"Ah, Shimura Heidarō-sensei?" Kakashi said a second after parsing all that. Naruto's affirmation didn't worry him, exactly, but it did set his thoughts racing. He supposed there were many reasons she'd need him, but Kakashi couldn't even pretend to weigh them all equally.

More than a hundred years after Shodai Hokage founded Konoha, and the shinobi clans still acted as though they were not part of a village. Or, he mulled, that was precisely it. Hitherto rivals and enemies suddenly found themselves jostling elbows, confined within a cage that kept predators out and in. One of a shinobi's greatest weapons was his body, doubly true for those fortunate enough to be born into clans who had transcended human physiology. The other greatest weapons were secrets and deception, and for that these clans trained their own medics and refused to allow the Konoha Medic Corps to treat their scions. As though a strand of hair or a few droplets of blood could reveal all there was to know about a bloodline talent. Practicality and time had softened this attitude, and the clans and the village reached an agreement where only a select few medic would be granted knowledge of each clan's biological treasure.

Shimura Heidarō was, after the Head Medic and her assistant, the only doctor alive with access to all the bloodline talents in Konoha. After seeing Naruto, Kakashi had a suspicion that Sakura had rushed him to the hospital not because his injuries were beyond her, but rather…

Well, he'd find out soon enough once he talked to her.

Kakashi said, "Sasuke, why don't you go find Sakura?"

And wonder of wonders, Sasuke didn't object to being assigned gopher duty. Hm, either Kakashi was a better teacher than he'd thought, or Sasuke was a better person than Kakashi had been.

Kakashi's remaining student hadn't moved from where he laid staring at the ceiling, though once in a while he twitched. It was yet another wonder he managed to contain himself this long, but Kakashi supposed even Naruto had to convalesce. "Since you seem to be doing so well, do you remember how you got here?"

Naruto almost scratched the back of his head; at the last second he checked himself. "Uh, no, can't say I do. I mean, obviously I fell, and I might've been training when it happened? Um, dunno what else to tell you, Sensei. Oh, oh, Sensei! Were you at the training ground? Did you see—'cuz I was training, see, so maybe I at least got higher than yesterday? …two days ago? Concussion's a pain in the butt."

"Hum, no." Which wasn't a lie, given that he'd only had hearsay—passed through Sasuke's ears and mouth, no less. "But you can try again as soon as they clear you for duty."

"Oh," Naruto mouthed, and Kakashi waited for the outburst that never came. Naruto was quiet, even by his standard, when he said, "But the bastard and Sakura-chan will still be training and learning new jutsu."

"Quite. In fact, I have a little mission lined up for us this afternoon. Ah, don't worry. You'll still get your pay cut as part of Team Seven."

Instead of bouncing right back, Naruto seemed to have sunk deeper into something Kakashi couldn't name. It couldn't have been due to missing out the action; Naruto never failed to announce how much he found those boring.

The only alternative was a little like finding a fly in a soup served by a by-the-road stall. It was not unthinkable, nor should it be unexpected, but he still wouldn't wish to swallow it.

He could never understand how Obito kept hanging onto his nebulous dreams of becoming the Hokage given his lack of skills, or kept training so hard given his inability to improve. It was simply the way people like him were built, Kakashi had concluded, Obito was everything that Kakashi wasn't.

What would he have seen, had he tried to look underneath Obito's skin? Would he know how to deal with Naruto now? But that thought was a dead-end, and Kakashi turned instead to his (equally dead) teacher. Minato-sensei had always been patient with Obito, had let Obito revel in his childishness even as he firmly guided the boy into becoming a shinobi worthy of his headband. If he were here, Obito would have paid it back, with interest, to Sensei's son.

As for Kakashi, what else could a man of his debt do? Especially faced with a pouty Naruto?

"I have to say, Naruto, that training hard is good and all, but don't you think it's counterproductive to overdo it to the point of getting injured?"

That comment got Naruto to lift his head as much as he could. "But, Sensei—"

Kakashi lifted a finger. "Ah, ah, ah, I'm not finished. You've been using _kagebunshin no jutsu _for a while, right? Do you ever notice that when one is dispelled, you'll feel disoriented? Like you're seeing the world from out of your body?" Naruto nodded slowly. "What do you think's going on there?"

"Uh…"

Kakashi smiled. "_Kagebunshin no jutsu _is a very powerful and very versatile technique, Naruto. You should start thinking about how you can take advantage of it, especially with your immense chakra reserve. Anyway, _kagebunshin _imparts its memories upon dispersion. Ah, but you should also remember that the clones created will have the exact same injuries that you have."

Naruto blinked. "Oh. So…I can create a clone and leave it here while I…" Kakashi could almost see the wheels in Naruto's head turning.

"Well," Kakashi said, drawing out the word. "Maybe for training purposes after you get out. I wouldn't suggest doing anything that might get Sakura-chan in trouble."

"Good _afternoon, _Sensei. What is this about getting me in trouble?"

He smiled at her. "So suspicious, Sakura-chan. You wound me. Right, Naruto, get better soon, eh? Sasuke, you can go on ahead, wait for us outside."

Sasuke grunted and left, as though he would contract a disease if he stayed just a second longer. Kakashi waved at Naruto, who sullenly raised his unslung arm, and closed the door behind them.

Sakura followed him until they were at a respectable distance from Naruto's ward. There, Kakashi did an about face, causing her to stand at attention.

"Report."

She hesitated, unsure which protocol to use with Kakashi, perhaps? He let her flounder a little before she started. "Circumstantial evidence, unbacked by any testimony, suggests that, between the time Team Seven parted and Sasuke and I arrived this morning, Naruto fell from great heights, estimated to be at least fifty meters. The blunt force trauma caused lacerations in the bridging veins of his subdural space, leading to formation of blood clots on his brain." At Kakashi's slight widening of eye she gave a wan smile. "Thanks to Heidarō-sensei's treatment it is no longer a concern, but he must be confined to bed rest for some time. So far Naruto hasn't exhibited effects more severe than his momentary loss of memory. He also requires surgery to correct the growth of the bones in his left arm and ribs."

"Ah," Kakashi said. He'd known cases where shinobi ignored the small injuries incurred to their heads. Dismissing them and the resulting concussion symptoms as minor obstacles to their more pressing missions, they often fell into coma or died in their sleep later. If the medics weren't worried, then he had no cause to worry either. He suspected he had more than Naruto's luck to thank. "Ah, 'correct'?"

Sakura frowned and folded her arms. "While I was attempting to give Naruto on-field treatment, I detected an…alien, almost inhuman, chakra that boosted his cell regeneration to an alarming degree—among other things, it has no regards to the stray fragments of his ulna and radius, and now we must clean those. I…I suspect that it's also the reason Naruto's brain hasn't atrophied more than it has."

She had been watching him for some kind of reaction. Whatever Shimura Heidarō had said must have been unsatisfactory. Well, if she wouldn't bring it up, Kakashi wouldn't have to say anything.

He said, "How long do you think he's going to be out of commission?"

Sakura shrugged, arms still folded. "I'm not his official medic, but at this rate, maybe one or two days. Sensei…you know about Naruto's bloodline talent, or whatever that is."

"Oh? That's a lot of confidence in your old Sensei, Sakura-chan. Why, when even Shimura Heidarō-sensei, an expert, doesn't know…"

She gave him a mirthless smile. "Oh, he does, and so do you. I won't—pry, I know that clan bloodline and inheritance are serious business in Konoha," she said, though Kakashi could still see her curiosity fighting for dominance, or what she really thought of this 'serious business'. _"_But if there's anything you can tell me that might pertain to how he should be treated on the field—"

"You are so cute when you take being a medic seriously like that," Kakashi said, enjoying the shade her cheeks took. She made a disgruntled noise as Kakashi ruffled her hair. "Well, listen to Heidarō-sensei, whatever it is that he said. For now, we mustn't keep our client waiting. Bad for our reputation, you see."

"Client? We're going to take a mission without Naruto?"

"Well, I took it up before I knew about this little incident, and it would be bad form to break the contract now, wouldn't it? Anyway, it should be right around your alley." He smiled at her confused expression. "Nothing to do with medicine, but I'd bet that you have more experience with this than I do."

* * *

Kakashi took them to an unfamiliar section of the village. With a jolt, Sasuke realised that he did know this place—by definition, if not by being there in person. Sasuke's mother had often warned him to never so much as take the narrow path branching out of the shopping district. He could see her wisdom in this: the cobbled street was missing its stones and some of the abandoned houses creaked in the breeze—he suspected a stronger wind would send the roof tiles flying. The biggest offender, however—

"You got us a mission in the red light district," Sakura said, as though she was in a nightmare and if she tried hard enough she would wake up. "Sensei deliberately took up a mission _in the red light district._"

"Hn," Sasuke agreed. Even in the revealing glare of noontime sun, the flagrantly waving red banners and lanterns hurt his eyes. He shuddered to think what the alleyways would look like under moonlight. He imagined lanterns aglow like cold flame, swaying in invitation while a girl sat under it, fanning herself against the warm night and, the fan stroking a little too hard, exposing more skin under her loosely draped yukata.

Sasuke shook his head to clear the image. He glowered at the silver-haired man, who looked right at home. And why not, Sasuke thought, glaring at the orange book peeking out of Kakashi's pocket. He pictured his _katon _burning the insipid thing to ash to keep his…traitorous imagination busy.

As though he could read his mind, Kakashi looked over his shoulder at them and smiled with his eye. "Ha, I'm really glad that you two are taking this so seriously. Don't worry, there'll be plenty of time to explore after we've finished the job."

Kakashi's smile widened to the point of stretching his mask as Sakura spluttered. Sasuke gritted his teeth, and snapped, "What's the mission?" It wasn't supposed to be his job to keep Kakashi in line.

"Ah, yes, that. Hm, our client might want to explain it for himself." Then, as though finally seeing their discomfort for the first time, he added, "Ah, I see! The brothels won't be open for a few more hours, but later! For now, we're going to a gambling house."

Sakura's sandals scuffed the stony steps loudly. Sasuke half-expected to find her stumbling; instead she had the most peculiar expression he'd ever seen on her face and her gait was almost mechanical. Like a square wheel rolling down the hill. "Gambling house." she sounded as though she'd spoken from the bottom of a well.

"That's what I said. Ah, here's our client. Remember to be on your best behaviour, you two," said Kakashi, an eye lingering on Sakura.

The man waiting for them might as well be reed wearing ratty clothes. He teetered from one foot to the next as he approached them, and his body seemed to think it was still moving when he stood still. Sasuke expected him to collapse sideways the moment a fly landed on him.

"Yo, Garan-san," Kakashi said, lifting his hand in a lazy approximation of a wave. "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"I can hear you fine, stop shouting," grumbled their client. Sasuke took stock of the unmistakable reek of alcohol, the sallow skin hanging off his skull, the way his eyes were still squinted under the shadow of his hand. It didn't take much to judge what kind of man this client was.

"My apologies," Kakashi said, not sounding penitent at all. "Ah, this is Sasuke and Sakura, my genin team."

Garan's tiny, black eyes appeared just enough under his eyelids to appraise them. He blinked, and said, "Gods take me, they weren't kidding when they said freaking _brats_ were going to take my request."

Sasuke wasn't surprised by his reaction, annoying as it was. He was, however, surprised that Sakura took the bait. "These 'brats' are shinobi of Konoha, Garan-san," she said. Sasuke noticed her squared shoulders and set jaw, and found himself confirming that her fists were flat on her sides. "I assure you that we will fulfill the mission as specified in the contract."

Garan grunted. "Meh, whatever. You could be drooling idiots for all I care. I just need your headbands and eyes." He stalked off without even making sure that they'd follow, muttering under his breath. "Freaking shinobi. Freaking brats. Freaking sun."

"Sensei," Sakura said in a low voice. "Would you terribly mind telling us what kind of mission we are undertaking?"

"Well, as our esteemed client has said, you two only need to stand and witness."

"Witness what?" Sasuke asked, starting to be suspicious despite himself.

Kakashi shrugged. "It won't be fun if I tell you now."

Around a bend, the dilapidated alley gave way into a smooth, paved street. In hindsight, that should have prepared him for what came next. Perfume and incense assaulted his nose as he passed through exquisitely carved cedar doors. Sasuke sneezed once and breathed through his mouth for the rest of their journey.

He scowled at the red screen windows overhead. One of them was suddenly flung open, and a girl about his age burst through, giggling as she went. Her damp brown hair glistened; in the sun it looked pale red, almost pink. She leaned over the balcony and, spotting him, waved. Her purple silk sleeve fluttered around her arm; it was wide enough for him to see the pale, smooth skin underneath. Feeling his cheeks heating up, Sasuke looked away to meet Sakura's sharp stare.

He looked straight ahead, burning holes into Kakashi's back. Sasuke knew the man took this mission to fill his weekly amusement quota. He hoped Kakashi would choke on it.

Their client ambled to a stop outside an establishment that, sandwiched between two garishly decorated houses, would have been overlooked were it not for the neon gold coin erected on its front yard. He only glanced at them to make sure that they hadn't been lost before stumbling his way in.

Kakashi paused just outside the door. "Ah, Sakura-chan—"

"Our client is waiting, Sensei," she said.

Sasuke expected Kakashi to put his foot down, but all he said was, "Ah, you're right."

They found their client seated on a big, green square table, facing a man whose dour countenance couldn't be more opposite of Garan's preening grin. As the shinobi approached, the stranger's eyes flicked to them and his mouth pulled even lower.

"What the hell, Garan? Children, really?"

"Shinobi," Garan said with a cackle. "You know what that means? Blade over heart and all? Yer gonna pay if ya know what's good for you, boss."

The other man looked like he'd just gobbled a handful of bitter melon at once. He retrieved a suitcase from under his chair and placed it on the table carefully. Garan as good as clawed at it, his fingers fumbling to open the locks. Sasuke surreptitiously scanned the room for points of entry (Sakura's attention was pinned on the two men anyway; he could leave them to her).

No one interrupted Garan from fanning each wad of money. The temperature of the room dropped as the pronounced number climbed. Though he knew next to nothing about economy, Sasuke had the suspicion that the entire suitcase was worth a small house.

Their client finally shut his ransom close with a face-splitting grin. "There you go. Nice having business with you, boss! Hey, come on, brats, your job's not done yet till I'm home."

The last Sasuke saw of the owner was his reproachful stare, and he bristled at the thought that it could be directed to he and his teammates. As though they had anything to do with what their client had been up to before or after the contract.

Team Seven followed, a part of the client's triumphal procession home, to the other end of the red light district. Sasuke had never visited this part of the village either, though this time out of lack of purpose. The rows of rickety, small houses looked like they had sprung overnight while no one was looking.

"Ah, Garan-san," Kakashi suddenly said. Sasuke had thought him determined to let his students handles everything. "I should really congratulate you for your incredible fortune. Truly, fate was on your side."

Their client laughed as though it was a joke. "Eh, that it is! Gods take me, for a minute I thought I'd lose my house, though don't tell my wife that!"

"Don't tell me what?"

Garan was spared from the necessity to reply when a small girl barrelled into him, yelling joyously. She was trailed by a pinch-mouthed woman, whose small eyes narrowed further at the sight of Team Seven.

"Dear," their client's wife said sharply. "what did you do?"

Garan held his hand up defensively, still holding onto his suitcase. "Hey, come on, I as good as got you a new home and that's how you greet me?"

His wife's lips thinned to a single line as she regarded his spoils. "If this is a joke—and why are there…" Her head jerked at Team Seven's direction in mockery of subtlety.

The little girl was still pulling at Garan's legs. "Tooouuu-chan, whatcha got in there, huh, huh? Who are these strange people?"

Sakura recoiled and stared as though the little girl was a leper. The oblivious midget kept approaching. "Hey, you wear a headband? Are you a shinobi? My friend Kana-chan says that shinobi are cool but my mother says that they can't be trusted and I should stay away from them."

The mother put herself between them in an instant. "Hiyori!" she scolded, eyeing the three of them, but especially Kakashi, with fear and disgust.

"Garan-san!" Sakura suddenly said in a shrill voice. She swallowed, and for her next sentence she sounded almost normal. "Garan-san, I trust that you no longer need us?"

The man's attention kept darting from his prize, to his family, then finally to Kakashi. "Eh? Yeah, guess so."

"Great!" Kakashi chirped. "Don't forget to pay the rest of your fee by the end of this week!"

Kakashi set a brisk pace as they wound their way back to the commercial district; Sasuke thought that was the only reason why Sakura didn't bolt ahead of them. They paused in front of a tea shop and their teacher turned to regard them both.

"All right, so that's that. Naruto is out and there's no point in team training with just the two of you…" His eye shifted to Sakura, who seemed to find the paved ground more interesting. "…Come at the usual time and place tomorrow. You're dismissed."

Her nod was the only acknowledgement Sasuke and Kakashi received. Just as Sasuke was about to follow her example, Kakashi said, "Goodness. Did I do something wrong?"

Sasuke stared at him, incredulous that Kakashi thought him stupid enough to fall for his feigned ignorance. He said, "You signed up for a mission that had us act like hired thugs."

Kakashi made a thoughtful noise. "Is that all?" He sounded disappointed, at what Sasuke didn't know. "That, Sasuke, was 'ensuring that a lawful business transaction occurs as agreed'. Besides, there are worse missions out there, missions that will suck your soul, missions that you'll have no choice but accept. But, ah." He suddenly tilted his head at Sasuke, eye crinkling in a smile. "You might go through the rest of your career without ever experiencing that, too. Don't worry."

Sasuke did not.

Kakashi went on, "Can you tell Sakura-chan all that the next time you see her?"

"You're the teacher," Sasuke groused. And more importantly, Sasuke wasn't the one in need of forgiveness.

This seemed to amuse Kakashi even more. "You're quoting each other! My students are so cute."

Sasuke decided to escape the madness then and there.

He only managed to put away thoughts of his annoying, lazy teacher when he arrived at Team Seven's training ground. Sasuke had intended to spend the rest of the day training as he had wasted the whole morning. He would start with conquering Naruto's tree—if the deadlast could do it, then surely Sasuke could scale it in record time.

Just as Sasuke was about to make his running start, an explosion not too far away rocked the earth, sending an obscene amount of dust and dirt into air and raining all over him. Sasuke lost his balance and fell. Just as well, as pebbles flew over where his head used to be.

Cursing his carelessness in not checking for other people, he fell into defensive position. He held his breath and squinted against the cloud of dust.

He saw someone moving. In one stroke, he threw shuriken and closed the distance between them. He could hear the enemy crouching, but they were all the distractions he needed.

Sasuke swung his arm low, estimating the enemy to be about his height. He connected at the wrist instead of the fist, diverting his course so that he would run to the ground.

Sasuke threw his balance forward, freeing his legs to strike at their head. This time he felt the blow land and heard the other person's breath catch. He caught himself on his hands and rolled to a safe distance. He needed to disengage for now, re-assess who he was fighting.

He needn't have. The dust settled somewhat, and at the sight of pink Sasuke dropped his stance.

Sakura was rubbing at her forearm where Sasuke's sandal had hit her. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Sasuke? Why did you—oh, heavens, were you here when—"

"When you destroyed the training ground?" he finished for her. With the dust cloud completely settled, Sasuke was treated to the full extent of her experiment. If he didn't know any better, he would say that someone had dropped a solid round of iron the size of a small house. The cracks that resulted could swallow him whole.

Sasuke couldn't tear his eyes away, suddenly regretting that he'd stopped their match too soon. Vaguely, he heard Sakura say, "Uh, yeah. I wanted to see how strong—er, how much power I can put into one punch without hurting myself."

"And how much was that?" He heard himself reply.

"Almost all of what I have left—Sasuke, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said aloud. Nothing, except that one day a foreign girl appeared, soft by all appearances but nonetheless could and did hit hard enough to give him a concussion. Nothing, except that he had never gained a clear upper hand against her in their subsequent matches (a taijutsu only spar didn't count, as they both knew a shinobi's strength is a sum of his skills). Nothing, except that he couldn't even decisively establish himself as the strongest shinobi of his age group.

Nothing, except that if he couldn't even defeat this pink-haired _medic_, what hope did he have of killing that man?

Sasuke snorted, not caring that it earned him a puzzled frown. She was only stronger because she had a Sannin as her teacher—that would only make sense. Even if the Sannin was a crone so pathetically in debt the village had to buy her from creditors, he supposed she was better than having no teacher at all.

He thought of Kakashi, the only living person left who could teach him how to wield the Sharingan. Sasuke had never heard his name spoken even once in the Uchiha compound back when…back then. How he ended up with a Sharingan was a mystery, but the man's insistence on holding Sasuke back annoyed him far more. What sentimentality could justify bringing him down to the deadlast's level?

Fine, he'd humor the old man for a while. Figuring out a use for the idiot couldn't be too hard.

He pulled his thoughts back together, shoving them for later as he heard his teammate speaking. "Why are you really here, Sasuke? Did _he _send you to get me again? What does he want this time?"

"He said to tell you that there are worse missions out there."

She seemed nonplussed. "What? What does that mean?"

Sasuke gritted his teeth. First Kakashi, and now her. Did they really think they could play dumb and have him forget how smart they truly were? "The mission earlier. There are worse missions than playing thugs, or 'ensuring that a lawful business transaction occurs as agreed'."

"Playing thugs," she said thickly. "That's the only thing wrong with the mission, not that—that—" she threw up her arms. "—that the man is an unrepentant drunk gambler? That doesn't _bother_ you?"

Later, he would wonder what compelled him to encourage what was obviously a pent-up rant. It could not have been genuine interest, what a horrifying thought. But in that moment, Sasuke shrugged and said, "Why should it?", fully intending to imply that she was stupid to think that he'd care about a random person's life.

He had exactly one millisecond to interpret the fierce glint in her eye and braced himself.

"Why? He's a gambler knee-deep in debt, and suddenly his fate was reversed. Do you think he will stop there, when he's so clearly favoured by the gods? He'd throw his money before long, starting out small. Then he will lose, and instead of backing down while his losses are still small like a sane person, he will just bet even more because that's what gamblers _do_. Soon he'll be down to his house deed again, and then not even that; now all he has left is his one daughter. He has no choice now; how else can he get back what he's lost? If he loses her too, well, that's one less mouth to feed."

Sakura kicked the ground. Sasuke was vaguely impressed that she didn't even leave a dent. "I totally forgot to account for his little drinking problem," she said in a tone that made him reconsider the veracity of the maxim about women as confusing creatures. "Or not, really, it'll just make the whole thing happen faster. His alcohol consumption rate will go up with every loss, consequently raising the rate at which he will lose money. I might as well as have been talking to that tree over there, honestly."

In fact, Sasuke had been only partially listening after her second rhetorical question. He recalled instead the scene he'd walked into earlier. Shimura Heidarō, lounging behind his desk, chin propped on one hand and obscuring his amusement from her. His pink-haired teammate, her palms flat on a desk, looming as only a one-and-half-meter-tall skinny girl could. He'd arrived in time to catch the tail end of her haranguing the doctor into telling her about Naruto's crazy ability. The doctor had brushed her off, as he should, but even after she'd excused herself, Sasuke could see that she wasn't willing to let the topic go just yet.

Sasuke wasn't an idiot, reading his peers required only an inkling of his attention. Girls were even easier as their actions were entirely a product of their emotions. His teammate was no exception: blunt and quick to anger, intolerant of Kakashi's indolence and Naruto's idiocy (and Sasuke, for completeness since he had done her no wrong). She might have called herself a medic, but all Sasuke could think was that a medic's white coat would engulf her.

There was a contradiction in there, somewhere between the person he thought she was and the two unrelated incidents happening that day. He didn't, couldn't understand her, and he didn't like being unable to understand something that he should be able to.

Somewhere at the back of his mind, he knew none of that justified what he was about to say next. "Why do _you_ care? This, and then, with Naruto. Sakura, you don't even like Naruto."

Her mortified look quickly morphed into one of anger. Sasuke wouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing him openly watch for her fists… but he rather valued his life. He was a little relieved to see them clenched and stuck firmly to her sides.

"What is that—what are you trying to say? Are you—are you just spoiling for a fight?" she said, like it was the most ridiculous thing this side of heaven.

Sasuke hadn't thought to broach the subject that way, but since riling her up had worked the last time, he only said, "Hn."

She made a face usually associated with apprehending one's old, house-broken cat eating one's prized koi. "I have no idea why I'd thought you'd be different from other men," she muttered, seemingly more to herself than him. Then, with a sneer, she said, "No. You're annoying."

Chin held high, she marched past him.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. If nothing else, he told himself, now he had nothing to distract him from training.

* * *

The dickish doctor fulfilled his promise down to a T. Some point after it had turned dark, they finally carted Naruto into the operating room. Naruto had slept through the whole process, and when he came to, he was back in his room again. The only proof he had of the operation was the numbness in his arm and chest.

That was one sunrise and a thousand hours ago. Naruto could only arm wrestle (with his good arm, of course!) against his clones for so long without getting bored. (He didn't dare do anything else more exciting and noisy since the nurses had threatened to tie him down).

Speaking of the nurses, they were unexpectedly watchful, too. One of them popped in every hour or so to check up on his recovery. None of them stayed long enough for conversation, as if allergic to breathing the same air as he. Naruto had thought of leaving a clone in his place, but he had no idea if the nurses could detect it wasn't the real him. That could go very, very terribly with this uptight lot, and Kakashi's warning kept ringing in his ears.

He didn't really understand how or why they (whoever they were) would (or could) blame Sakura-chan for his initiatives. He'd even asked a nurse (not directly, of course, Naruto wasn't _that_ stupid). The furthest he'd gotten was that Sakura-chan was the apprentice or daughter or _something_ of the Head Medic. _That_ was even more confusing, because shouldn't that mean Sakura-chan could do whatever she wanted? And anyway, that still didn't explain anything—he and Sakura-chan were totally separate people.

In the end, he figured Kakashi was the teacher, and also a lot smarter than him. So Naruto stayed put like a good boy. Mostly, anyway. He no longer felt headaches and dizziness with his every move, and he paced around the room once in a while. He wondered how the other patients coped with being confined to the bed. Naruto got bored of counting cracks on the walls, like, years ago. Why wasn't there anything in the room, no comic books, magazines, whatever? Didn't they ever think that their patients could die from boredom?

The hospital food was terrible too, and when he asked for ramen the nurse had looked at him as if he'd wanted it made of gold. That was stupid; who could eat gold? When he was Hokage, he would change things—like making ramen the primary food! The hospital and its patients were always so gloomy; they could use good stuff like ramen to make them feel better.

Naruto was contemplating sleep once again when he heard noises just outside his room. At first he ignored them, but then the voices grew louder and more familiar. In fact, it sounded just like…

"Hey, Ino-chan! And Hinata-chan!" He said through the closed door at first. Then, throwing it open, he repeated the greeting with a wave. They didn't use to talk much back at the Academy, but at this point Naruto didn't care if they screeched at him like girls usually did.

"Oh, it's just Naruto," Ino said. She gave him the same look that she'd always reserved just for him. Hinata made a small noise and hid behind Ino, much to Ino's exasperation. "Fine, be that way."

"Huh?" Was she talking to him? What had he done wrong? Come to think of it, Hinata had always avoided looking at him, and they'd never even talked. He'd never thought much of her odd behavior, but thanks to Mizuki he now wondered if it was because she'd known about the Kyūbi. _But he also said that no one my age knew. _

Naruto shoved that gloomy cloud aside for never. "Say, what are you doing here?"

Unexpectedly, it was Hinata who answered. Or tried to, he couldn't hear most of her mumbles. When he asked her to repeat, she reddened, but said, "K–Kiba-kun was poisoned while herb-gathering. He–he's fine, but he has to stay a little longer for observation."

"But Kiba's Hinata-chan's teammate. What are you doing here, Ino-chan?"

Ino shrugged. "Meh. Someone has to know first aid, and since I'd rather get a tetanus than have those lazy bums treat me, here I am. You're lucky you have Tsunade-sama's apprentice in your team." Her eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. "In fact, you're awfully lucky—how'd you get to be teammates with Sasuke-kun as well? Naruto, let's switch teams! You'll be with Shika and Chōji, and didn't you guys use to blow off classes together?"

"Heck no, I'm not trading Sakura-chan with anyone! You can take the bastard, though."

If anything, that only made Ino angrier. "Don't call him that! Wait, why am I arguing with you? What are you doing here, anyway? You don't look like someone who actually has business staying in the hospital."

He shrugged. "Oh, I slipped and fell while training."

Ino looked unimpressed. "You slipped. And fell. While training. Somehow I don't believe Senju-san would…Oh. Oh." she trailed off, frowning. The look she gave him was hard to understand, almost like she was sorry for him. For what, though? He didn't think there was anything to be sad about.

Hinata, though, didn't seem to be confused. She looked at Naruto for the first time, and Naruto took the chance to ask. "Hey, Hinata-chan. What's she talking about?" Then he saw familiar faces over her shoulders, and he waved at them.

"Sakura-chan!" he said, and then noticing her companion, growled, "Bastard."

The bastard grunted, but whatever else he might have said was drowned by Ino's loud "Sasuke-kun!". Hinata and Naruto all but forgotten, Ino had the appearance of a cat about to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse. Then she seemed to notice Sakura-chan and went a little awkward, like she wasn't sure what to do. It was a very not-Ino-like thing to do. _That's a weird way of putting it._

"Good morning, Senju-san. Hinata-chan and I are just passing through." Ino dipped her head, and once again Naruto wondered if Sakura-chan was an actual princess. Well, he mused, she already had the looks down.

Sakura-chan's smile seemed a little strained, though. It must have been the bastard's presence, Naruto thought. The bastard always looked like he had a cloud raining on him all the time, which was annoying on its own, but then the emo-ness also _leaked _to all present.

Naruto glared at the other boy, who merely cocked an eyebrow back.

"That's alright," Sakura-chan said, "I'm just here to discharge Naruto. It shouldn't take too long."

"Oh, no, go ahead. We really need to go. Come on, Hinata-chan."

Ino pretty much dragged Hinata away, though Hinata hesitated before turning back to Naruto. "N-Naruto-kun, if you would like to have ramen some time…" Naruto knew enough not to say that she looked like a tomato just now (Ino would hit him, for one). He also knew enough to beam at her encouragingly.

"Heck yeah I'd love to!"

Hinata sputtered, her reply drowned by Ino's squeal. "Oh, Hinata-chan! Ahem, you too, Sasuke-kun! We should go out together. It'd be like a double date!"

"Huh?" Naruto said. "Oh, a date! Then, Sakura-chan—"

"Naruto!" Ino glowered at him, jerking her head at Hinata, who looked pretty close to passing out. Was it something he said? But he hadn't said anything gross or the slightest bit confusing.

Sakura-chan's cough drew their attention back to her. "I have no interest in being the fifth wheel." She sounded amused. "But if you'd like to wait, I just need to examine Naruto and have him sign some papers."

Once again it was Ino who answered, after a firm headshake from Hinata. "No, thank you, maybe some other time." She pretty much glowed at Sasuke. It warmed Naruto's heart to see the bastard shrinking away from her brightness. "We'll have that date pretty soon, Sasuke-kun! See you then!"

"Bye!" Naruto couldn't help hollering. Now that he knew Hinata didn't completely hate him, staying overnight in the hospital no longer seemed so bad.

As his attention shifted back to his teammates, he noticed that the bastard had an unpleasant look on his face. "What, bastard?"

"He looks healthy," said the bastard to Sakura-chan. Naruto felt like he'd just missed one and a half of a conversation.

"That's the general idea behind hospitalizing a sick person," she said wryly, though she regarded Naruto with an odd look. "Generally speaking, he also shouldn't be up and about so soon." She ushered him back into his room, the bastard reluctantly bringing up the rear and closing the door behind him.

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck (free of bandages, at last, after they got so distracting last night). She sighed and shook her head. "You're really something, Naruto. Now, let's get this over with."

He knew there was nothing wrong with him when her chakra brushed his and he felt uncomfortable, like something was itching his insides. But at the same time it was also Sakura-chan standing close to him and pretty much touching him. Naruto made himself stood very, very still. He compromised by glaring at the bastard, who sulked back at him.

He snapped back to the very picture of attentiveness when she finally stepped back and announced him healthy. He blitzed through the forms. His teammates might have rolled their eyes at him but it wasn't as if Sakura-chan would dupe him, right? Then when it was finally done, Naruto pumped his fist.

"Yes! Race you to the training ground, bastard!"

Sasuke smirked. "No."

Naruto nearly tripped over himself. Before he could ask the bastard what the hell was wrong with him, Sakura-chan said, "You are not allowed to train or do other strenuous activites for the next two days."

"Whaaat? But Sakura-chan I haven't even—" He suddenly remembered that the bastard was in the room with them, watching him with his bastardly eyes. "—and, and, and you've _just said _there's nothing wrong with me!"

"No, I said that you don't need further care. Besides, Kakashi-sensei has explicitly forbidden us from training and—" she turned to Sasuke, the corners of her lips twitching. "—what else, Sasuke?"

The bastard grunted. "'Do something teamly.'" Naruto could practically hear the quotation marks.

"Is that even a word?" Naruto said. Inwardly, he felt a little lighter. Sure, he might still be left behind, and the bastard and Sakura-chan might have moved ahead, but it wouldn't be so bad. He could still catch up with a little more time and hard work.

"Besides, Naruto…" Sakura-chan said hesitantly, "you aren't doing too terribly. Haven't you been wondering just how precisely you ended up with subdural hematoma and all your other injuries?"

Telling her an honest 'no' would probably be bad. "Um, you keep saying that subduwhatsits term, I don't know what that means."

She snorted. "Honestly, you're such an—subdural hematoma means that the inside of your skull bleeds such that blood pools and compresses your brain." He blinked, and unconsciously checked if his skull was intact. "Yes, it's as bad as it sounds. You could have died, or slipped into a coma if it were not for your freakish regeneration. Speaking of, do you know anything about that?"

Uh-oh, what could he say that wouldn't have her suspect the Kyūbi? Sakura-chan's smarts scared him sometimes. "Um. No. I'm an orphan, y'see, and no one knows where I come from." He was proud to note that he hadn't needed to lie, though not so much that it seemed to have made her uncomfortable.

"Oh. Don't worry about that, then. What I wanted to say was that you climbed fifty meters prior to your accident." She bit her lip. "Look, even if it feels like you'd rather die than be left behind—well, don't even _try_ to realize that feeling again." He couldn't help but think that her sharp gaze was meant to communicate something…except that he was too stupid to understand.

Naruto smiled, giving her a thumbs up. "I won't! I can't get better if I die, anyway!"

"Try never," the bastard said suddenly.

"He lives!" Naruto gasped in mock surprise. "And speaks! Shut up, bastard, I bet you couldn't even do thirty meters!"

Sakura-chan rolled her eyes. "Oh, here we go. Out, you two. Have your pissing contest somewhere I can't see."

They didn't actually do that, of course; Naruto wasn't that crude or literal and the bastard was…well, the bastard. Instead, Naruto somehow talked and wheedled his way into Ichiraku, skeptical teammates in tow. But that was alright, they would soon see and taste the greatness that was ramen.

And if the bastard couldn't be bothered to say something nice and Sakura-chan still hadn't smiled genuinely at him by the end of the day, well, they were at least sitting on either side of Naruto. He'd make them acknowledge him yet. The future Hokage hath spoken and all that.

* * *

_Next: There is a calculus to mission assignments, but the exponential term has always and will forever be the Hokage's whim._

* * *

Notes:

1. Big thanks to Sessalisk, Shana the Short and the folks at Spacebattles for their help with editing.

2. The Japanese for subdural hematoma is perfectly pronounciable by anyone who can speak Japanese, though I'd guess that it won't make sense to anyone not familiar with medical terms at all (like, say, Naruto).

3. On the OCs: (a) no, Heidarō isn't Danzō's son, (b) the Kyūbi's attack orphaned that nurse, c) Kasuga Kasuga's main disguise is a _gosen_, these days.

4. If you find yourself at a loss for what to review, consider any of the following: what you don't like in this chapter, Naruto/Sasuke/Kakashi's 'voice', Team 7 interaction, the pacing of the chapter, the size of the chapters, and/or your theories on Sakura/Tsunade's history.


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